There’s not much left to express about being right. Having spent hours deleting old posts from this and my previous blog, I wonder what the point of this writing activity is anymore. A friend asked me the purpose of all this and to be honest, it’s Selfish as hell because it’s all about “you” or “me” and how we are all alive. The suffering is real though and it seems as though we were ‘dead in the water’ or ‘dead on arrival’.
Suffering in this future death of a past life, I am immersed in the pain of others too. I feel it, I think it, then I know their pain as well as my own. No matter how much I tread lightly on their grounds, when I check in to my feelings, there is this burning feeling that I did something to wrong them. Some might call this feeling or idea a demonic force, but I’m not so sure that those labels of good or evil are worth any fight I have left in me to be right about ‘the force’.
Sitting at church today and watching the choir rehearse, I visualized myself on the stage, which sent chills through my body. Where do these internal chills originate and why do they come? Someday I hope to know that answer. Until then, I have the opportunity to read more books and what others have written about chills that run through burning bodies like my own.
In any case… this writing now includes thousands of posts that I need to filter through to finish writing this story. ‘The end’ will be my future and no matter how I fight that force, time and death is ticking for “you” and “me”. No rush on my part.