One Surrender

Today, let’s just call this what it is, a publication about a gender fluid publisher that believes SHe is worth a second chance. Third person to first, this 2017th year has been quite a beast to wrangle and there are stories here. Lots and loads of stories.

One of those stories includes a newish job and body of work with it’s high and low tides. Another story is the conundrum between polyamory and monogamy, which I have learned is quite the fine line to wander across. A final story in this paragraph is about a diagnosis of cancer, the painful surgery for removal, then a total wreckage to parts of my life.

Magically, through all of these stories I have felt more love than ever before and from several families in Idaho, California, New Mexico, Arizona and Virginia. All beings of love and light who have held me close in their thoughts, prayers and actions to shelter me from the storm. I’m not totally sure how they all knew how to care for me as they did, but this version of love has never felt more real than this year’s worth of time.

Getting back up to face the music, now and in 2018, I will let this light shine, I am who i am. While there are still many who have yet to know me, it is only a matter of time before the light of my Universe reaches their galaxy. Reflecting that particle, my only hope is that you will remember me with love when you step away from that sentence of suffering for a while.

A dear friend in New Mexico tells me that I am the carrier of light. I asked him who shared my secret, then he tells me that his guide sent him that message and when I understand who I really am, things will open up to me in unimaginable ways. He said that when I don’t listen to my guides, things begin to get really fucked up. I asked him to ask his guides why I burn people with this damn light sometimes, and he shared that it’s because I fight with myself too much. Apparently, I need to let myself out into the world. This is, perhaps, the millionth time I have heard that sentiment to surrender to who I am.

Asking him who also carries the light, he shared that we all do, but that mine, for whatever reason, shines brighter than most and that it confuses me. He asked that I meditate on that and to consider raising the white flag to mySelf. This makes me laugh because I was just expressing to my brother-in-law earlier today that when I meditate for hours, I feel too bright and people even walk up to comment or they stare. A few years ago and post meditation, someone stopped me on the beach to tell me that he could see my light from a mile away. These stories… who knows, except me and I feel WAY too sensitive for my own good. On and off, I even take herbal medications to dim this source of energy, otherwise I am too “strong” for my own “good”.

A few friends already are in awe of what is perceived, I can’t help but be love as I know it. Sometimes love hurts. I can be annoying as hell and quite frankly, I flicker considerably when people want me to tune into them to answer their questions about their own forms of love. The B in me gets tired sometimes too, and I’ve got my own shitty light that won’t turn off.

Off, damn it, OFF (with my head)! Growly like a lion, I let them have it and the truth has a way of stinging after the burn. Some people takes years to recover from these expressions, including my own family.

This whole life’s story is laughable and a little weird, even. Sometimes I walk into quacky shops and find stories about angels, demons, fairies, aliens and dragons. My own sorrow still is realizing that I internally laugh at the people who truly believe that shit. No one wants to be laughed at unless they realize who they are already and quite frankly, this whole paragraph makes me uncomfortable because I may be an angel.

Are you a fairy, angel, demon, alien or dragon? Feel free to Comment while that option lasts. Too, know that as much as I appreciate you here, please take on the task of your own writing right about now. Why aren’t you doing this?

Judge that, Judgey Mc’Judgerson! You are the devil’s advocate!

OK, back that surrendering thing… Jesus Christ, this is hard!

I have to just sit here and NOT think about…………………..!

That’s WAY TOO HARD! I don’t AWANA and no One…

Is gonna make me SURRENDER… to WhoTF?

Ah, JEEZ, who is fuck and why…

Does this god damn Angel

Keep driving me

CRAZY!

Selah?

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