It’s 4am…

Did your



turn on too?


Me too.

When I moved to Encinitas almost four years ago, I had a hard time remembering how to say the word “Yogananda” during the first year, though I was reminded of this local figure consistently given my proximity to the SRFC. After attending several services and watching that silly documentary about his deity, I wonder if someday after I die, I too could be up on that wall to be worshiped next to Jesus. There is room for one more, they say. To “they” that “say”, may that force be within You.

In contrast to any holiness, I don’t have a story of some weird birth like Jesus Christ or a spirit mother experience like Yogananda had. I’m just your somewho average what who has read a lot of science, religious and Self-help books and a human who creates a movement within this Venus of a mind by writing letters to God here at Birdanity. Creating my own book of life and version of God from all these stories. All with hope, yet with little expectation that God or the mini-god-in-you will eventually write back (perhaps by way of your comments here?).

Also in contrast to several of our deity figures over the last century, I was born in a small town in Idaho where our claim to fame is potatoes (with an “e”). I started writing publicly to impress a boy several years ago before moving to California, and somehow that morphed into several blogs and websites that continue to define who I am and who God is to me now that I write for myself and no one else but me and whatever is inside of here. I create these run-on sentences that make little sense at times in this stream of consciousness where running fast with scissors is totally aloud when suicide is not an off limits topic.

Perhaps in this journal of an entry about reluctant lights, I think too much about this God figure. Perhaps I write too often to or about Her or Him too. But, perhaps with all these contrasts of light I become a reluctant light like Yogananda by seeking Who that source of light really was or is. Definition or no, how it moves through me is quite a mystery. In this way, I am a scientist of life and if an atheist is God at play with hide and seek, then I am that too and within.

an angel?
an angle?

As a name for the Devil, the more common meaning in English, “Lucifer” is the rendering of the Hebrew word הֵילֵל in Isaiah (Isaiah 14:12) given in the King James Version. This Bible version took the word from the Latin Vulgate, which translated הֵילֵל by the Latin word lucifer (uncapitalized), meaning “the morning star, the planet Venus“, or, as an adjective, “light-bringing“.


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