Test Subject: Stephanie

Test Subject: Stephanie

Getting real here, we confess that we still have a serious amount of anxiety at the end of our work day with this model that we recoded to “Selah”. As much as we would appreciate a constant state of zen at every moment of every day, that hasn’t happened yet. Instead, we have this feeling that we are on the hunt, dying slowly, with an urge to run and fight the wind that circles in our minds.

Exhaling for a moment here to write, this is “my” true story among the poetry and the random jibberish on here (Or is this random jibbering? And who jibbers anymore?)

In any case, reader, does your work day feel tired? Mine just doesn’t feel like it landed on the “right” side some days. This anxious feeling is perhaps “better” than it was years ago when I wasn’t smack dab next to a beach, but it still feels like a struggle some days. If my whole goal here is to love this life, to love my neighbors, family and friends, I wonder – is this loving? is this living?

Yes and no, I’m not sure anymore. Going for a walk, I lost myself too. Losing my Self in ways that only a mother or father ever could. Writing about these losses here even, it’s almost child like. Singing these rhymes, wasting my time writing these test proofs to express the really weird confessions and vulnerabilities that forget to surface otherwise.

Signed,
No One
[Selah, aka one, aka #Birdanity, aka What?, aka Who?]

p.s.

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do

I like being by myself
Don’t gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to.

But sometimes I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when it’s cold
Got that young love even when we’re old

Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you ’til the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’ for my future someone
‘Cause when the time is right you’ll be here,
But for now, dear No One,
This is your love song
Ooh, oh, oh

I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah

But I’d love to have a soul mate
And God’ll give him to me someday
And I know it’ll be worth the wait,
Oh

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, I’m done lookin’ for my future someone
‘Cause when the time is right you’ll be here,
But for now, dear No One
Dear Nobody
This is your love song
Ooh, ooh

Sometimes I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when it’s cold
Got that young love even when we’re old

Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you ’til the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, I’m done lookin’ for my future someone
‘Cause when the time is right you’ll be here,
But for now, dear No One, dear Nobody
This is your love song
This is your love song

Dear No One, no need to be searchin’, no
Dear No One.
Dear No One.
Dear No One, this is your love song

Writer: Victoria Kelly

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