There are days, like Valentine’s Day, when I wake up and wish for a partner too. Having already received a few virtual messages of love, I’m really grateful to hear these expressions. Still, it feels like there is something wrong with me (or s/he) that I can’t put my finger on yet and I’m just not quite “right” or ripe for anyone’s selection. I know this because I wake up and wish for a partner too.
Yesterday, my new friend told me about his awesome days of songwriting, teaching and conversation. That is his daily life, one he can afford. I’m grateful to hear these expressions too and when he says, “life is working through me,” there seems to be a right about his world that feels very wrong when contrasted with my own life. The wisdom here is letting go of his story and remembering that women who compare their lives are not wise.
My life, this Book of Selah, with test proofs and daily expressions of lost & found awareness, well lately I am wondering if this writing thing is all just a major waste of my time? What am I doing here, and why? Searching for the divine is quite a feet, especially when it’s possible that God – my God – doesn’t exist without scientific evidence, and neither does that imperfect partner who truly hears, reads and sees me for all that I am, then has the wisdom to just BE (with all my im/perfect).
I remember stories of Gideon testing God each morning to see if his version of God was truly real before going into battle. That’s what this feels like. Test after beautiful test, I wait patiently for monetary answers that confirm the One God who sent me here to be entered into this drawing of soul-filled partnerships.