Test:20180227:19:01 – Bla bla bla bleeds

Test:20180227:19:01

Did you see the spider that crawled across my bed just now?

Gnarly. I don’t know why I didn’t murder her, but You are right – I usually don’t kill living things on purpose. Except for the third-hand deaths that I served when I ate all that chicken, beef and human. As long as we are all killers, what’s the big deal?

Wrong is yours to own. I only use the label infrequently when I am right. Regardless, that spider made it off my bed alive and his eight legs are headed East so “they” might want to look out for available creepers of high fat, protein, vitamin, fiber and mineral content.

In other news, today’s test… well, it was just another day, another dollhair lost. When I was a kid, I use to ask my Dad how his day was often and his reply was usually very similar. Making me wonder if my Dad and I are One and the same in this repeat pattern. Perhaps we even share a soul? Who knows, only science and religion and I’m a unique mix of both.

As I checked my personal email after work today (which doesn’t happen as often as I would like) I surprised even myself when I searched for your name in my Inbox. After typing your four-letter name, all I found was several old emails from years ago so nothing new to report there either. You don’t want to exist anymore in my reality, though I still feel You…

What is even stranger to me is this weird mix of “to whom” I am writing in this blog. Sometimes it’s God, sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s me. It’s confusing, at best, and difficult to follow. Even for me on occasion when I view it in hindsight. Still, logic is a spectrum that I do all day long, and God damn it! who gives a shit who isn’t able to follow a wo/man who follows herSelf alOne.

Bla bla bla…

In any case, thanks and sweet dreams tonight to four letter words who exist.

~Selah

(aka Stephanie,
aka Birdanity,
aka “the One”,
aka at least the one you know of…)

 

p.s. I seem to have a lot of energy the last few days.. Did You do that, or was it me? Also, I started my period today, which is weird because the last few days haven’t been shark week attacks of serious emotion and physical pain. Thanks for today’s surprise of red, I mean that.

p.s.s. Too, it’s an interesting observation to experience the shame that I feel inside when I write about my own normal monthly bleed in these p.s’s. I should do this more often, though it’s uncomfortable as shitting in front of people. Still, it’s time to release the negative energy around those uncomfortable secrets about my life that I’ve been holding inside, no matter what they say about what I look like at the end. Who knows how many more bleeds I will have anyway…

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