Waking up at 3am and finding it difficult to fall back to sleep, I reach for the nearest book. My journal pops open the page to page 9/18 at 8pm which reads,
When I think, occasionally I am reminded that I am alone in this world. In this way of thinking, fear surfaces to the thought and just on the other side of that feeling is love and acceptance. As I sit here and contemplate this lonely feeling, the only way to understand it is to be with myself and to become intimately acquainted with all that I love and fear about being alone. I was going to research the book of Revelation tonight, but there is a knowing that no matter how deep a dive I may take in the inter-workings of this tree of knowledge of good and evil, the roots remain further still to the core of all that is “me” and “one” and God, waiting for this Revelation and end of days. And, God and I? I am with that. There is no other purpose in my heart, but that of the one who created me, who sent me, and who loves
me. Thank God, I am alOne.
I love that final line, Thank God, I am alOne (?) Six months later, I still suppose I appreciate being alone just a bit too much. And I still like waking up at 3am, letting the dog out, turning the light on, writing a journal entry out loud in my bed, then going back to sleep because I don’t need to wake up tomorrow at any particular time. Sundays..
Time not being still, someday soon I will live a life different than this One. Because I talk about wanting a different life than this One, so loving this One while it lasts is probably a good thing. I “think” I will do that.
p.s. I never did open Revelation…