Is this “my happy place”?
Everyone needs a happy place. I do, and lately I’m not sure where I live anymore. Is this my happy place?
Having lived in Cardiff-by-the-Sea for a couple of years now in this California adventure, this life I lead may seem close to a Disneyland experience, but it doesn’t feel that way today. Instead, I’m waking up at 4am and wondering whether I should even get out of bed anymore. I’m staring up at the dark silhouette of a popcorn ceiling, realizing who I am as this human that people call “Steph”, then closing my eyes and wishing for my own Disneyland.
But, no fuzzy sweatshirt or old memory from Disneyland is going to fix the way this life feels today. Nothing is going to fix “me”, I’ve never been to Disneyland and
I was never totally broken. But I have been feeling these energy shifts in the Universe and it almost feels like an Earth quake in my life is coming. I can feel “her” power and these cracks are showing the stories rippling through me.
Time being ever present,
today’s focus in my personal life will be to apply for at least One “new” job today. That’s the goal, applying for One “different” job with my handy-dandy resume and cover letter. One job at a time, one resume at a time, one day at a time and until my days are over, that’s going to be my personal life. Splitting this altar ego, today’s focus in my professional life will be to apply myself at my One job today. A job here at ? where. That’s the goal, applying myself at my One job.
…today I will move
(away). Today I will find? Disney’s land…
(“You’re not allowed to officially or even unofficially move to Disneyland or even be “Birdanity” yet. You don’t make any money at Birdanity! So how’s that life going to work for YOU? How is this work to YOU?!?”
I’m not sure yet, but this feels like charity (
work). This thing called Birdanity that I created several moons ago, this word I invented, this journal that you are reading, and this equal pay = equal work thing that I believe in…this work?
As a human Bird, I’m not a popular invention yet. Probably because I’m free as a Bird and quite frankly, one that keeps getting sick. Almost healthy, my life is… sick!
but it’s still 5am…
time to stare up…
at the ceiling again…
dreaming of a day…
when ‘I am’ with ‘You’