It’s funny,

Last night, someone wrote to me to express his displeasure at feeling “objectified and unimportant” in my weekend publication about Celibacy. He was a part of yesterday’s story, and I appreciate that he expressed how he felt when he read it. So this morning, with the stroke of a few buttons, I wrote him out of my story.

Having removed him, I don’t LOVE or HATE that fear-less? man. I probably never will, and there is always the valid solution of writing people off and out of my story. Yesterday, he was ____ to me and this morning he is “Jesse”. I don’t personally know a Jess, but I hope that Jesse, Jake and Jack all feel “important and unobjectified” today.

You doubt he feels any better today?

Yeah.. that’s what I felt today too. No “better”.

Healing from what ails me? A constant desire to “better” today than I was yesterday? Good questions. What I have learned time and again is that I cannot own anyone or “me” even. I may adjust the identity of others to accommodate a desire for anonymity, sure that’s happened. But why?

One might even describe me as a universal security threat. I’m not as “gracious” a writer or human as I was once perceived to be, but this story-telling about my life feels like a dance. One that is intended to be more graceful than I have ever felt with expression.

This story? My story…? Welcome to the new norm. It’s sometimes super funny, while at other times it’s a bit sad. No matter the topic, I am honest, true and real. I am human, I am healthy, and for me the topic of my own sex is not just something to be kept quiet simply because that’s what members of my society would prefer to leave behind locked doors.

Sex is a beautiful thing, my sex is, and it’s also a fear-filled thing in my society today. In this way, I need to unveil what is true about sex for myself and whomever wants to read any inconvenient truth. I’m not 100% sure what the answer is for everyone else when it comes to sex, monogamy and polyamory, but I’m willing to uncover that naked truth in my writing and in life by exploring all the categories of my life (out loud).


~Steph Bird


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