“It’s almost over,”
And with that day, I can breath a sigh of relief. My life today as I know it is almost over. It’s not that far away, The End.
The end isn’t that far. I sense it more than I see it, but I’ve observed it too. The world is burning up. It is a revelation to watch my world today, and as I know it, come to an end. To wake up with all this violence and chaos.
I watch the violence everyday, I feel it, I hear it, I sit with it, all day, everyday. There is nothing I can do, but breath a sigh of relief that my life with violent people, and life as I knew it has ended.
But, that’s only just the beginning. I expect miracles.
Pivoting a bit to miraculous people? They discuss suicide all around me. Friends, friends of friends, family even. They tell me things they wouldn’t normally say to anyone.
Stranger than fiction, they trust me, so they tell me a lot. Sometimes that “a lot” includes stories of planned suicide or feeling suicidal. In any case, listening to those “confessions” of wanting to end a life, I feel like a priest to the God of their understanding and my own. I am a god to those confessions of future planned
Making this The End of that story. I am still alive, but it’s The End of my story as it was. This story @Birdanity even.
Yesterday, when I identified myself as a Religious Organization in my tribe, my society, it was a re-categorization of this human. And that felt like The End of my story as it was in all those previous categories that I identified with, including Art, Artist and Education.
Today…I’m starting my next life, even as I seek medical attention for what ails me in this society and culture that seeks advice
from “experts”. I also have to really consider my next steps today. Humbly and faithfully, considering today, and in The End of my days and life here as I know it kind of way.
God, it really does feel like I am living in The End. Observing people, like me, do awesome things with this life, there’s also a lot of despair and pain too. There’s a lot of abusive words being used, a lot of passionate aggression, a lot of anger and resentment being kept overnight, followed by long periods of ex-communication.
God, there are a lot of crazy stories about burning. A lot of running, pain-filled people who can’t forgive. Some humans even get tattoos of burning birds on their arms that say things like, “PAIN = LOVE”. It’s painful just to see those humans in pain everyday.
In this life or the next, they can’t forgive overnight and so they burn. And I burn with them too. But, that life is over. This is The End for me, and that feels true somehow. It feels like I am at the end of that legacy version of me.
I feel it, I’ve sensed it for quite some time now and this is The End
(of this paragraph)
Are you ready?
(“The Scribe who expected miracles”)