DISappear!

Forgiveness?

Have you ever just wanted to take a breather and disappear for a while? Then, re-appeared in another beautiful mind, and another life altogether? Almost like a carnival, it’s alive with lights, color, and vivid spectrums of bliss and emotion. Here, we express Californication freely until we need to crawl into a hole and reappear for a while in bed alone, meditatively crying softly and wondering, Why do we feel this way? Who do I ask these Why questions in the quiet of night before I die to wake again? It’s for You ~> God, You = you and me, too. In those moments, we are One. There is a special place available IN my Queen size bed for a god among God(s). Tonight, God is in the Cloud and the white noise machine NEXT to my bed that keeps housemates from hearing my prayers and cries. God? You don’t usually answer my whY with a replY, but You seem to be here everyTime We look for You, and everyWhere We look. This life is now also connected to so many others. The waves are intense and the splash of colors is so vibrant that I find I’m a player of magical scenes. Living within the art and feeling, the fluid nature of Us. This evening, I had insight after breakthrough. As I sat down to write here about that, I am focused on forgiveness. Practicing this art of that release, it’s time to release and rewrite these stories. Today I also confess that I stayed too long in several of yesterdays stories. I sought knowledge there, then I realized hindsights of things in an effort to understand. I finished books, I scribed it all and found one word = forgive, One day at a time. That’s how it works. In every memory of their presence in my life, I forgive when sending light and love, then I forget that I need to remember those people who need a goodbye for a while. As I was telling Stephan about all my old journals that are now finished and represent years of my life’s work (Volume 1 – #38?) I remembered the story about my ex-husband reading my journal after he sought to know the truth of what I thought of him. I wonder how often he picked this book up. Then I began to wonder that this is all just being done. People may be causing drama in life, and simply to hear their own story. Looking for a reflection, they crave honest and solid feedback from a non-judgmental friend who is loyal until The End with words. With that in mind, I’ve decided I may need to dis~>appear. My parents could have been right about me when they said that I am wrong to write here as I do. They told me that this book I have written is cursed for life. True? I do spend an awful lot of cursed time thinking about the homeless. Maybe that’s what I really want anyway, with no address at all to my name or location to identify. No PO Box, no Cell or text to discern emotions, and no e-mail. Instead, you’ll find me deeply rooted inside a network of soulful connections that I need and want.

Test 20180609:22:48,

Stephan/ie Bird

 

 

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