When I come back to this blank canvas, I think of all the observers who will see this art. Whether it’s just a few connections or millions, this is no matter. Perhaps an audience is good or bad, but it’s always true that there is One.
We are being observed. And I have learned that the best thing we can ‘think think think’ about all day long include as many thoughts as possible of gratitude. But, how does One be grateful for every thought and every action?.. How does one love unconditionally at every moment of every day?
I’m not totally sure yet, but I’m trying to love you. Really learning that lesson of what love is, and because I’ve also remembering how “crazy” I have felt in the past few months. The words of someone I deeply respect(ed) keep cropping up in my thoughts. Though it’s been months since they were written by that man, I haven’t been able to forget that,
“Steph, people are AFRAID of you!”
When those words were written by a man who was my former CEO for 18 months, it also felt as though they came from an entire organization. And he wasn’t totally wrong because during that time, a few others were reporting similar pains. Honestly, I’m not sure if the fear those VIP wo:men hold is a good or bad thing, but since moving to California I am finding that there are a sum of people who really love me and a sum or people who really fear me.
The people who fear me..well, it’s not because I physically hurt anyone, sold drugs to children or even carried a gun. Instead, people fear me because I write publicly. Like the post you see here, I write stories. Journal entries that relay how fucked over I feel some days, along with stories about love and the truth of what feels right. This is writing ~ this is art ~ and it’s love to me and from me.
Some days I’m not totally sure what will creep up in my writing when I sit to stare at the canvas. I’m not even sure it will be beautiful or make any coherent sense to anyone, including me. I also don’t yet appreciate how anyone that is nearly twice my size chooses to fear my 130 lb frame that also likes to frame a story.
Framing stories so that people know who I am or was in this life with hopes that they want to keep observing this art and the canvas that unfolds in my mind each day. Some days I click post and allow my thoughts to be seen, while other days I can’t seem to click Publish. In either case, I will still be grateful for the people who return to find this post and then another about how crazy and wild life can be.
Artistically or autistically, I want to be remembered just like everyone else does ~ with love. One that loves a God of my own understanding through these words. A God who doesn’t EVER require that I click Publish, but does require that I am grateful for people ~ unconditionally ~ and that I create “art” like what you see here. Art filled with gratitude and prayers of peace in your life and mine.
As you wish,
This is part of a Community series, ending with a Question to consider. As you progress, feel free to leave a Reply or Comment here. Thanks for reading and sharing.