Today’s focus is HEALING, which is laughably hard work. However overrated that Enlgish word may have become to #me too, I need it depserately, dislexicly and deeply. And today, I refuse to just give up without a flight that is all my own, yet not alone. It’s a flight that will be my fight to the life
and death of me.
Kick starting life again and again, that part has become easier with practice, age and time. Though some days I still wonder if there is any gas left in this engine and I can feel the rust that is creeping in, even as these feelings do of cancerous age.
Having burned family and friends many times over with these bipolar emotional flair-ups that could not be contained, I have also learned that technology isn’t family or a friend to me. I write here through the joys of technology, even as I handwrite in my journal at home. In fact, this data in all it’s messy goodness IS my life’s record.
Every time I get angry after feeling excommunicated from the family cage, my own emotional doors get shut and I stop singing@all ~ which is the exact opposite of what I wanted or needed. Silly me, and for taking so long to learn the simple lesson of letting go of that black box that was in my hand and keeping score of the games we play.
Burn after angry burn, inside and out, I found less and less of that old man in me was left. Family and friends may pray for me, we may call that forgiveness, and I will not forget why I burned to find that infinite matter inside that people call a human soul.
Peace in heart and mind after all those burns, this transcendent knowing is gold to me now. I am transgender and this journal is a record and trail that leads me back home inside and out, a place that (almost) feels totally alright to be wrong.
Birdanity is my daily devotion to the God who knows that I don’t have a name or a gender. Together today, my partner and i created a new idea, a new sensation, a new site and a new flight plan for me, Stephan:ie Bird, called Bird Evotions.