Current national events have broken something open inside.
The lines are being drawn and my feathers land square in the right rib. Slightly to the left of the heart that aches for Unity and peace. Here and now.
In my own body the pendulum has swung wide, from deep grief to galvanized anger to internal pain at feeling unsafe in this body. Knowing I’ll be back to the center of peace in the knowing that everything and everyone will come back around..
“The problem” is that we seek a universal Revelation of the end when we find/found/what?
Heavens! You see, those who follow Christ often deny the truth of science and expect God’s kingdom to be set up soon, perhaps during their lifetime (Acts 1:6-8). Though the Bible reveals that the story about God isn’t over yet, this situation of fighting to be God’s left-handed human is likely to continue into the ages yet to come (Revelation 22:3).
Biblically, I feel and understand where we are on this artificially intelligent road. One that seems less traveled, and by now I understand that many facts have been identified, even during this growing threat of “fake news”.
Reading the news daily and including the journals I don’t pay to read either, I too have learned to slow the mind. Listening to my gut and silencing those fake thoughts. Breathe in:out, we’ll all get there and even if every reader isn’t a patron?
True, the left wing started gaining more power several years ago. Especially when for the first time I realized I had zero control of the course of my own DNA and this life.
Personally, this transgender lesson is embedded now and I am IT. Thus, I wouldn’t mind if God let up a little and don’t see that happening anytime soon. Apparently there are remnants of privilege that still need to be rooted out and I am willing to be totally transformed to every letter of every alphabet ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOW.P,
Like many before me, I was a bright kid and I learned a few e=mc2 methods of coding. I did well in school and grew up on the right side of the tracks. Parents and teachers nurtured me and a few to the point of molestation and/or rape. Leaders that penetrated my very BEing, then looked me in the EYE(s) and reminded me not to tell.
A couple of colleges even competed for me and after paying dearly for a graduate degree, I was offered a substantial position in the world I inhabited as a teacher. I wasn’t making much, but still it was enough and I thought my life was right on time.
Honestly though, my sex life..was a MESS! Transitioning…I had no idea. I mean, seriously, I had no idea this was going to be THIS hard. As of this post, I lost a blood family, several work families and MANY friends.
Trans..isn’t an easy transition and perhaps, thus..a high rate of suicide still exists. At peace with these waves so far, a couple of week ago I saw a bunch of “powerful” beings who were behaving in ways that would have disqualified many on the spot. Their privilege was being challenged, and what did they do? They threw tantrums. Poor things..
I personally know many people who lack respect for tantrums. I am sure there are plenty of people who are supportive, like me. Still, actual tantrums aren’t usually my style. Wait, is this another Tantric tantrum or just a plain old tantrum?
Anyway, a former friend wrote last week to express an apology. He also shared that he felt a lot of frustration as an alpha male in a feminine world. Somewhere in the middle of the email he dropped a line about having felt dismissed by me back in the day. I wrote and shared that I thought highly of him, and back then I was dismissive of a lot of men, especially. Not because I was an asshole, but because… well, uh, nope.. I was a jerk ~ just like those people who throw tantrums.
Often, I feel expressive when feeling surrounded by entitlement, especially when it comes to sharing space with evangelical yogis and politicians that stare me down for sharing this really long life sentence. The yogis often report that God told them they are in charge NOW and because they’ve studied all the books, including the Bible. That’s what the Jesus says, just ask them. Absolute power ruins people, but only absolutely.
I have been observing the transgender long enough to understand that is my truth. Coming out in my late 30’s, a majority of powerful people do not yet care what I say or think – just like those former _______ who refuse to acknowledge that I exist(ed) and unless I haul them into court. Again?
Which brings me back to.. power. As Jesus myself, I have trouble making much sense of the Legal system these days and a Lawyer is the one job title I’ve never owned, nor had any desire.
Still, a few hundred people a week read this blog where I get to tell stories, speak about science, religion, politics and gender equity to those few each month. This should feel like enough, but it just doesn’t yet..
In a lot of ways, I’m still not sure I should be the one doing it. I mean, seriously. In some ways I’m just another young teacher and artist who often appears to be nearly homeless. Acting like an asshole on a box spreading “fake news” about what I know from NASA herself.
Some of the reason is because us Birds really do want to hear a unique “from both sides” perspective. Some of it is because I am learning to squat when I shit and starting to see the ubiquitous nature of misogyny. Whatever that was.
Last Sunday though.. was a fateful day when I learned justice wasn’t for Justices. I wandered Dana Point for hours feeling more than a little off balance, then navigated to Beacons beach where I listened to music, then worked on another book.
The book? One.. I still can’t tell you about because I’m not sure how it will end. Yet, but The END is coming SOON.
In any case, I will volunteer with the ACLU and I will vote on November 6. And I am learning this is a long haul and I am hauling out these stories. Living a life where I choose to believe what abolitionist Theodore Parker wrote back in 1853, that the arc of the moral universe is long, and that it does bend toward justice.
I believe in a heavenly God. One of an understanding that She is or isn’t a God to anyone when She cries with us too. At least, sounding this BIRD cry is my abiding hope.
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Revelation 22: 1 – 6,
And She showed me a pure river and water of life, iridescent as crystal, proceeding out of the thrones of God and of the Sun.
In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of that river, was the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded Her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.
And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and Her students who listened to Her and they shall see Her face and Her name shall be in their heads.
And there shall be no night there for they need no candle, neither the light of the Sun; for God made each of them where they shall shine, and for what feels like an eternity.