A-DemiSexual

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IMG_4296Feeling A-lien?

I met my partner by asking that alien to grab a coffee with me two years ago, but only after I observed his love for other people when we happened to be sitting near one another enjoying a sun bath on Blacks Beach. He even let me take this picture ~> back in 2016 for his contact on the phone. In an age in which we are constantly one swipe away from our next relationship, the idea of romance is rushed and convenient in a way that it never has been before. With me though ~> that feeling of being “in love” has never felt rushed.

According to psychics, there is this mystical inner voice that tells you whether you’re right for that person, but for others it’s impossible to operate that way. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what it means to be asexual or demisexual, and whether or not the term applies to you, then read on.

Demisexuality

website1Demisexuality is just one of many shades on the scale of asexuality, but put into layman’s terms, it’s the difficulty in feeling sexual attraction to someone you’re not friends with first. According to asexuality.org:

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.

R_U_Different?

demisexualflagBeing demisexual means different things, depending on experiences. And here’s where the struggle may come in.

Some relationships start out these days to set up an arrangement whereby people meet each other with the intention of being friends and then waiting for however long to see if romantic feelings crop up. If you’re dating in a big city, for instance, the primary way to meet people is online or through apps. And while you can generally tell on a first date whether or not you’d want to be friends with someone, it’s nearly impossible for a demisexual person to decide whether or not you’d be sexually attracted to them without the element of friendship and trust already in place — despite the fact that this seems to be the expectation of modern dating. The current climate demands that at the end of a date, you know right then whether you’re in or out. And you can’t exactly explain your feelings to someone you just met, particularly in an age when not engaging in romantic or affectionate activity on dates is considered a rejection.

It can be hard to explain to someone who doesn’t feel this way, because demisexuality is actually quite subtle if you’re not aware of it. If you’re still unsure whether or not this applies to you, then see if you relate to some of the other hallmarks of being demisexual.

Most, If Not All, Of Your Relationships Have Started Out As Friendships

There is an element of complete trust and security that attracts you to them. It’s not just the feeling of safety, or the sense of being able to predict what they’ll do or how they’ll react. It’s bone-deep, an attraction for who they are as a whole that makes you see them in an entirely different light than you did when you first met. There is no honeymoon phase in relationships for you, because what other people typically refer to as a “honeymoon” phase is more of your “uncertainty” phase. You’re much more comfortable and attracted to someone long after you know all the little details about their lives, how they feel about things, what makes them tick.

You Frequently Put More Pressure On First Dates Than Other Friends

While the rest of the world seems to be moaning about how commitment-phobic our generation is, you feel an entirely different kind of pressure, because you know that when it comes down to it, people expect you to have a genuine gauge for how you will proceed with them after a first date. So you focus too much on everything. You nitpick, or you look for cosmic signs. You talk to too many people about it, or you’re so afraid of getting influenced that you don’t tell anyone at all. If you’ve ever ghosted, it isn’t out of disinterest so much as out of being at a complete and utter loss. You don’t want to waste their time or hurt anyone by continuing to date them unless you’re sure you’re attracted to them, and you can’t be sure unless you continue to date them for a while, so BOOM. You are a human catch-22.

You Still Feel Sexual Attraction To Strangers — But, it’s VERY Fleeting

demisexual_definition.jpgA misconception about demisexuals is that they only feel the one kind of attraction toward best friends, but the truth is that they feel other kinds of attraction, too. Asexuality.org explains, for instance, that there is “primary” sexual attraction — the attraction to what you see first, like a person’s looks, aesthetic, and/or the way they carry themselves — and secondary sexual attraction, which is more rooted in personality and the way you connect with someone. In relationships, demisexuals operate almost solely on secondary attraction. That doesn’t mean that we don’t occasionally see a hot person on the subway and start to sweat. It’s just fleeting, is the thing — and if we ever actively pursued it, chances are the attraction would be gone almost immediately.

Your Crushes May Seem Like A Really Big Deal

As a demisexual, when you feel “in love” that sensation is monumental. Everyone seemed to think we’d all grow out of “having crushes” in adulthood that had the same intensity as the ones we had in junior high or high school, but if anything, yours only seem to have more depth to them than they did when we were younger.

You Have Found Yourself Very Confused In Friendships

Particularly in friendships involving the gender(s) you’re attracted to. Most, if not all, of your unrequited crushes have been born of friendships — ones that you embarked on without any other agenda whatsoever. It gets to the point where you are genuinely surprised when you find that you are attracted to them, and even more surprised by how irreversible it seems. At least a few friendships have gotten awkward in situations when the feelings went unreciprocated, although you find that you can usually work past it to preserve a friendship.

People Often Dub You A “Prude”

“Prude.” “Ice queen.” “Sandra Dee.” “Goody-goody.” You’ve heard it all before. These are just a few of the problematic labels people assign to those who aren’t having as much sex as what’s considered “average,” despite the fact that it’s completely healthy and OK to feel that way. (And really, there is no “average” when it comes to sex).

Some people certainly do refrain from sex for their own moral reasons or beliefs, and some (including demisexuals) just have a lack of interest. Regardless, these labels are not just inappropriate and offensive, but inaccurate — no matter what reason a person has for refraining from sex.

In the end, though, you can only do what feels right for you, even when other people project their own feelings and insecurities on your choices. The romantic world is difficult to navigate, no matter how you feel or don’t feel about sex, so the best thing you can do for yourself is trust your gut and stick to it.

Steph Bird

References:

Asexual Visibility & Education – https://asexuality.org

Wikipedia – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gray_asexuality

UnconditionallY

I had a whole story to tell you this morning, but I suppose the real reason that I write to you all is grace. I even want compassion and love for my own story. That’s the simple truth, except I don’t want to tell stories anymore to receive that grace and I don’t want to beg. I just want that feeling to run through you unconditionally when we meet again, if we do..

Attempting to gracefully write everyday about unconditional love, I really DO get that I have not been graceful with everyone. I’ve written whole short stories about how truly ungraceful I can be. After considering those stories and applying the above text from A Course in Miracles, in just two paragraphs I am humbled and brought to my knees by all the child-like mischief and stories.

Today, this post in the sand of my time is for me as much as it is for you because to be honest, I will probably read it more than a few times today to remind me that it can only be but myself that I crucify

  • When I wrote “bad” online reviews for “old companies” that sent peace officers to my home, it can only be but myself that I crucified.
  • When I wrote some truly “horrible” things about others and their own health habits, it can only be but myself that I crucified.
  • When I wrote how truly painful all those emotions felt inside, then got dramatic as I excommunicated others from my life, it can only be but myself that I crucified.

That’s the simple lesson isn’t it = It can only be but myself that I crucify. Even everyday I clicked publish on these real-life stories that you will probably never read again. This one must be for you because you are reading it for the limited edition version that it is.

Lately, I am filtering through everything that I have ever written. It’s weird to see my own stories in all this priceless poetic jibberish with little to no value. Sure, there were a lot 0′ likes on some of those old posts and even some really great comments of support, but what was that all worth?

At the time, it was priceless (to me). Random loved ones ‘likes’ and support helped me to understand that I wasn’t alone in this online journal called a Cloud. When people at least agreed with me, I felt appreciated for being vulnerable. And, I’m not sure that those old agreements have as much value today because who knows if we still agree.

Those beautiful stories don’t feel of much value to anyone either. Thus, all the stories that were once available to you here are gone today and that’s just the way it’s probably going to be for a lifetime of limited edition art. Priceless stories that can only be mine, and it is but myself that I crucify.

Steph Bird

 

Lesson 20180714:

It can be but myself I crucify..

  1. When it is firmly understood and kept in full awareness, you will not attempt to harm yourself, nor make your body slave to vengeance. You will not attack yourself, and you will realize that to attack another is but to attack yourself. You will be free of the insane belief that to attack a brother saves yourself. And you will understand his safety is your own, and in his healing you are healed.
  2. Today’s idea is one step we take in leading us from bondage to the state of perfect freedom. Let us take this step today, that we may quickly go the way salvation shows us, taking every step in it’s appointed sequence, as the mind relinquishes its burdens one by one. It is not time we need for this. It is but willingness.For what would seem to need a thousand years can easily be done just one instant by the grace of God.

Physical Benefits of Singing

4AAC9604-F937-4E6E-B642-471BBD793345.JPEGPhysical Benefits of Singing

Singing strengthens the immune system

We have known for centuries that singing is beneficial, and scientists have also provided clear documentation of the health benefits. According to one study from the University of Frankfurt, singing definitely boosts the immune system. The study included testing professional choir members’ blood before and after an hour-long rehearsal singing Mozart’s “Requiem”. The researchers noticed that in most cases, the amount of proteins in the immune system that function as antibodies, known as Immunoglobulin A, were significantly higher immediately after the rehearsal. The same increases were not observed after the choir members passively listened to music.

Singing is a workout

For many, including the young, elderly, disabled, and injured, singing can be an excellent form of exercise. Even if you’re healthy, your lungs will get a workout as you employ proper singing techniques and vocal projections. Other related health benefits of singing include a stronger diaphragm and stimulated overall circulation. Since you pull in a greater amount of oxygen while singing than when doing many other types of exercise, some even believe that singing can increase your aerobic capacity and stamina.

Singing improves your posture

While we all seek a perfect posture, we know perfection is not a life:time pursuit as our bodies age we need to understand that we are who we are. Standing up straight is also part of correct technique if you’re singing while standing, so with time, good posture will become a habit! As your chest cavity expands and your shoulders and back align, you’re improving your posture overall.

Singing helps with sleep

According to a health article in Daily Mail Online, experts believe singing can help strengthen throat and palate muscles, which helps stop snoring and sleep apnea. If you’re familiar with these ailments, you know how difficult it can be to get a good night’s sleep!

Psychological & Emotional Benefits of Singing

Singing is a natural anti-depressant

Singing is known to release endorphins, the feel-good brain chemical that makes you feel uplifted and happy. In addition, scientists have identified a tiny organ in the ear called the sacculus, which responds to the frequencies created by singing. The response creates an immediate sense of pleasure, regardless of what the singing sounds like. Not only that, but singing can simply take your mind off the day’s troubles to boost your mood.

Singing lowers stress levels

Making music in any form is relaxing. Singing releases stored muscle tension and decreases the levels of a stress hormone called cortisol in your blood stream.

Singing improves mental alertness

Improved blood circulation and an oxygenated blood stream allow more oxygen to reach the brain. This improves mental alertness, concentration, and memory. The Alzheimer’s Society has even established a “Singing for the Brain” service to help people with dementia and Alzheimer’s maintain their memories.

Social Benefits of Singing

Singing can widen your circle of friends

Whether you’re in a choir or simply enjoy singing karaoke with your friends, one of the unexpected health benefits of singing is that it can improve your social life. The bonds you form singing with others can be profound, since there’s a level of intimacy naturally involved.

Singing boosts your confidence

Stage fright is a common feeling for new singers. However, performing well and receiving praise from your friends and family may be the key to eventually overcoming your fears and boosting your self-confidence. With time, you may even find it easier to present any type of material in front of a group with poise and good presentation skills.

Singing broadens communication skills

According to an article in The Guardian, singing to babies helps prepare their brains for language. Music is just as important as teaching reading and writing at a young age to prevent language problems later in life. If you enjoy writing your own lyrics, honing this talent can improve your ability to communicate in different ways!

Singing increases your ability to appreciate other singers

Sometimes, you don’t realize how difficult something is until you try it yourself. As you grow from an amateur to an intermediate student and beyond, you’ll be looking to the masters for inspiration. You might even find a new style of music to appreciate that you wouldn’t normally listen to!

The delights of singing go beyond merely enjoying the beauty of your own vocal talent. All of these health benefits of singing may make you want to join a choir or start taking voice lessons (with me) right away! If so, don’t hesitate to get started with singing meditations – have fun with it, and do you what you enjoy!

Create~>LOVE

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Creating~>Love?

Sure, we will be attracted to other people. Always. That’s an absolute rule of life. Maturity, or growth, or awareness, or whatever you want to call it, has taught me that sexual desire is needed. Releasing expectation, it is the transition that occurs from fleeting uncertainty and the excitement of new love, to a feeling that is peaceful, and calm and serene. That form of peace has often been taught to us as being the death of connections, but I am 100% certain of seeking life and love.

Love is an immersion and a deeper love than we ever knew possible. It’s the transition from “I wanna hump your brains out” to “I want to learn how to make our heart feel safe and loved, as well as my own.” 

Partners ~>

We are each other’s best : friend. We have each other’s back. We are solid. Everything else is figure-out-able. What emerges from beyond the storm of chemistry, is a deeper feeling of love, trust and understanding, that requires surrender in order to be enjoyed.

Love,

Stephan:ie B!rd

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SCARS

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Scars..

SomeOne was looking at my scars when researching me yesterday. They popped open this world wide web and *PoOF* there is parts of my personal story in black and white. Many of the years and the pages of my book are right here, just for You and the world to see. Someday, maybe, I will stop being so transparent.

The thing about this writing thing is that it is translucent, transparent and transgender. It is freedom of speech and as much as people may want to deny that I exist, I am still here. I am still breathing and I still have One voice.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am right, or maybe we are all write and we ala see these weapons that we both hold in our belts. They are wordy weapons of mass destruction when prohibited from expression. When people don’t say what they need to say, we may become weapons of destruction.

My goal is peace. Looking at these scars, I realize the worst pain of a lifetime’s worth of scars is that love is pain too. Love is arguments and violence and protests about that violence. It’s scars and sometimes, we need to express it because there is beauty there too.

~Stephan:ie Bird,

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