Has everyOne started making a plan to disappear like a Ghost in the Night?

Is that how these words work? God, I have no idea what to do next. Looking around at the items in my room, I wonder what I will need in my own cart. I consider each “thing” even as I hold on to it as an item I want to remember when I die. I think about the things that I have held onto for a life:time, I take pictures of them, perhaps to pack them away in my memories for when I really am gone and they donate this s*** to the thrift $tore$

Is this normal? I’m not sure, but it seems like we all do it to some extent. We all buy $hit, then pack away these pictures of who we were and why we were here.

25E44B11-F478-4A40-9220-43EB8FF7A324Why I was here? It was to make BirdAnitY i suppose, it was to form this Sentence and the next One and the next until these life sentences stop coming to you live from this sentence where I live in Cardiff ~> and where i am reminded daily that my friend$ want me dead ~. in their mindS eye ~. they want me GONZO’

img_5555Did that make sense? It did to me when i wrote IT in meditative writing this morning. Scribing, writing, releasing, publishing, editing, wondering, wandering, walking with these words and worrying about disappearing like a Ghost in the Night and being murdered in my sleep for what I write because HOMELESS PEOPLE ~> CONvicts ~> and lawyers ~> are watching ~> “me” ~> then sending out alerts to “former friends” to get “ANGRY” and cause a scene ~> whew, boy ~> that was a dooZY this morning with “Heather” wasn’t IT? ~> i asked if SHE wanted to talk, but nope ~> only TEXTY TEXT text of words were safe ~> to: “Heather?”

17b1047f-d973-4953-ae94-28e486f4b37e*sigh* SHE is watching these WORDY WORD words and what SHE doesn;t realize is that i wrote A LOT of WORDY WORD WORDs, anthologies of words that NO ONE CARES ABOUT ~> just like @lemanshots [who also doesn’t give a RATS ASS ABOUT “ME”, yet keeps LIKING MY SHIT! and wanting me to make ART of this “ASS”]

People are playing cards with LIKES, left and WRITE, and i am not sure who’s side i am on anymore, but i do like to WRITE

about both sides of what is WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING WORLD we WRITE TO:!


a59c6a68-76d8-4f54-b1af-ca632ad558b1ARE we going TOO DAMNED FAST to ENJOY the FUCKING world WE LIVE in?

I feel like we are going WAY TOO FAST, and it makes me want to,

Start making a plan to disappear like a Ghost in the Night,

Has everyOne started making a plan?

To: disappear like a Spirit

in the HEAT of the SUN?

as PEOPLE are

watching US










Do we want health?

Do we want the people we live with to be healthy?

No and yes, but first no and then yes, and for me. Search the globe as I have for a healthy person, I have found instead only that health is many measurements of time and effort into activities that I choose to be healthy at doing, achieving and being.

I have been 100% “good” at a lot of things in this way over 38 years of living, then I was 99% good and then 98% good and then 84% and then 92%…The calculations were endless and who was the judge? Me and always me, but was it? And who held the keys to the algorithm that defines healthy?

In the past, I slipped, moment after moment, then fell from grace with my 100% healthy body. And today, I recognize that I could use some work too. The picture could be painted that I am not 100% healthy, as I have been both fired and evicted from my home and work, all within 30 days. Does that seem healthy to you?

Instead of having conversations about everyone’s health when we discussed “mine”, instead I have become a target for others and their need for self-identification. Again and again, this is how it is for the healthy judgement of the unhealthy people in their lives. Who is healthy t/here?

Many of these unhealthy individuals are persons with whom we live. Their judgements are unhealthy and their thoughts about me are exactly that. It literally hurts me physically when friends mentally hold out hope that I will die in their memories or life.

Defeating me further still is their unspoken hope and desire that I will change to suit their needs, without warning or request. They call themselves friends and family even, yet they ask God for my release from this Sentence from Cell: (760)420-5855.

BTW, that’s my real life Cell#, You. Should You want to reach out today (and before I remove it from the WWW), I wanted to make that number available to You who may be feeling healthy, yet unhealthy today – that’s (760_420-5855.

If you need to call, text or chat, please reach out. If/when I am feeling healthy enough to do so, I will reply. Note that my response could even come from someone else.

Tomorrow, I also wanted to let someone (You) know that I will be spending my day with a friend Rob!n, the homeless man who almost literally lives “next door”. We agreed to wake up around dawn, then help Rob!n with his calls to Camp Pendleton to find out if they still have his things from being a Veteran. Rob!n also indicated that he may be offered some financial support. Whatever he needs, I will follow him around tomorrow and see what his life is like for a day.

I also offered Rob!n work here at Birdanity and he accepted. Rob!n will be making artwork here for me at Birdanity as he will be sketching the illustrations for this writing thing I do. He agreed to help me in this way, and I agreed to donate whatever money I might receive for his work. I will help him to feel comfortable every single day, there is no question in my heart about my intension to love Rob!n as he deserves to feel love.

What I want for Rob!n to feel is empowered. I want him to see that who he is today is a handsome 6?-year old man who has a beautiful life here in Cardiff-by-the-Sea where he speaks to a lot of other women and men in my community who help him too. I want him to know that I believe in whatever work he wants to contribute to this world. According to him so far, that is art and I am all for this ART.

With that, I’ll close this post and tell you that I recognize these last few posts haven’t been very colorful with graphics and illustrations to help readers see what I am feeling. Going back to the healthy question above, I am hurting lately in ways that feel foundational with attacks on my very character and peace of mind.

I am wounded beyond words, except for these. I wish I could share this pain I feel with You, and the almost overwhelming desire to crawl into a hole and sleep for a very long time. Maybe that’s where I’m headed, a very long sleep, and if I don’t wake up from that sleep? Thank you God for this mascot of a California Bear, not bird, who is nearly ready for a summer hibernation.


Steph Bird





Rob!n? is a homeless person who sleeps in our beautiful north county sometimes. he also shared he was adopted, his old name was “jeff” and for a time this morning, it truly didn’t matter what Rob!n’s name is because he was a friend.

though we’ve haven’t talked much, Rob!n and i have shared a connection many times before. just between You and me? often i share my food with Rob!n and check in on him to confirm he is feeling comfortable when he bunks in the doorway of a neighborhood shop.

today, during our first substantial conversation, Rob!n shared that he needs medication (#me_too) and i also learned he could use a pair of size 11 shoes. without a job myself, this is no matter today, i still have a home and a bit o’ honey. more than enough to buy Rob!n a pair of shoes and help with meds.

Rob!n? also shared that all his bank accounts have been unified and that he is in contact with the secret service. not sure what that all means, but if you know Rob!n? that was a great story that made me smile to hear.

as we walked away, we hugged, he kissed me lightly on the cheek, then we made plans to meet again later today to say hello and exchange ideas. have you met a Rob!n lately? You might consider it, they are blessings in disguise.

? The More You Know…

How to Help a Rob!n…

It’s common in our culture to operate under the assumption that most people without homes suffer from schizophrenia, addiction, or have otherwise created their own problems.

However, statistics from the National Coalition for the Homeless confirm that only about 16 percent of the homeless community suffers from addiction. The major contributing factors to homelessness include:

  • home loss,
  • systemic poverty,
  • unemployment,
  • lack of affordable housing,
  • and a decline in public assistance programs.

Additional factors might also include violence, mental illness or a lack of affordable Health/Care. If you know someone who is homeless, there is still hope, and you can help her or him get back on her feet by:

  • Peace-ing the streets
    • Sing/talk about the violence [verbal, physical, etc]
    • meditate @ home + @ work
    • Stand together
  • Listening
    • Coming from a place of non-judgment
  • Exercising
    • Finding out what he and/or she needs to feel better
  • Providing
    • Housing/shelter
  • Funding
    • Vocational training
  • Locating
    • Crisis assistance programs (if wanted)

National Coalition for the Homeless: Why Are People Homeless?
National Coalition for the Homeless: If You’re Homeless Or Need Help
National Community Action Partnership



Tip #1:

Take time to listen/talk to the homeless. Illness is not a reason to stop talking to anyone.

Tip #2:

Recognize symptoms of schizophrenia. Some signs are more noticeable than others, but by getting a sense of even the symptoms you don’t observe, you will have a better sense of what the person you are talking to may be going through. Signs of schizophrenia can include:

  • Unfounded expressions of suspicion.
  • Unusual or strange fears, such as saying someone wants to harm him/her.
  • Evidence of hallucinations, or changes in sensory experiences; for example: seeing, tasting, smelling, hearing, or feeling things that others at the same time and place, in that same situation, don’t experience.
  • Disorganized writing or speech. Mismatching facts that don’t relate to one another. Conclusions that don’t follow the facts.
  • “Negative” symptoms (i.e., reductions of typical behavior or mental functioning) such as a lack of emotion (sometimes called anhedonia), no eye contact, no facial expressions, neglect of hygiene, or social withdrawal.
  • Unusual adornment, such as offbeat clothing, worn in a crooked, or otherwise inappropriate manner (one sleeve or pant leg rolled up for no apparent reason, mismatched colors, etc.).
  • Disorganized or abnormal motor behavior, such as putting one’s body into weird postures, or engaging in pointless excessive/repeated movements such as buttoning/zipping up and down one’s jacket.

Tip #3:

Compare symptoms with schizoid personality disorder. Schizoid personality disorder is part of the schizophrenic spectrum of disorders — both disorders are characterized by difficulty in expressing emotion or making social connections; however, there are some notable differences. The person with schizoid personality disorder is in touch with reality and does not experience hallucinations or continual paranoia, and their conversational speech patterns are normal and easy to follow. A person with schizoid personality disorder develops and displays a preference for solitude, has little or no sexual desire, and may be confused by normal social cues and interactions.

  • Though part of the schizophrenia spectrum, this is not schizophrenia, so the methods of relating described here for the person with schizophrenia won’t apply to the individual with schizoid personality disorder.

Tip #4:

Do not assume you are dealing with a person with schizophrenia. Even if the person displays symptoms of schizophrenia, don’t automatically assume schizophrenia. You definitely don’t want to get it wrong by deciding the individual has or does not have schizophrenia.

  • If you are unsure, try to ask friends and family of the individual in question.
  • Do so tactfully, by saying something like “I want to make sure I don’t say the wrong thing or do something wrong, so I wanted to ask: does X have a mental disorder, perhaps schizophrenia? So sorry if I’m wrong, it’s just that I see some of the symptoms and still wish to treat him/her respectfully.”

Tip #5:

Take an empathic perspective. Once you have learned about the symptoms of schizophrenia, do your best to step into the shoes of the individual suffering from this debilitating disorder. Taking the person’s perspective, by empathy or cognitive empathy, is a key factor in successful relationships because it helps one to be less judgmental, more patient, and allows a better sense of the other person’s needs.

  • Although it may be difficult to imagine some of the symptoms of schizophrenia, you can still imagine what it is like to be out of control of your own mind and possibly to not be aware of this loss of control or to not fully grasp the real situation.

Tip #6:

Speak to the individual the way you would to anyone else, making allowances for anything unusual that is said. Remember that s/he may hear noises or voices in the background while you are talking, making it difficult to understand you. It is therefore essential that you talk clearly, calmly, and rather quietly, as his nerves may be frazzled from hearing voices.

  • These voices may be criticizing him as you talk

Tip #7:

Be aware of delusions. Delusions occur in as many as four out of five people with schizophrenia, so be aware that the person may experience these while you are talking. These may be delusions that you or some outside entity such as the CIA or a neighbor is controlling his/her mind, or viewing you as an angel of the Lord, or anything else, really.

  • Get a sense of the specific delusions so you know what information to filter through in the conversation.
  • Keep possible grandiosity in mind. Remember that you are talking to someone who may think as if a famous person, authority or ascended beyond the realm of ordinary logic.
  • Try to be as agreeable as possible while talking. Don’t be overly flowery or flattering with many compliments, though.

Tip #8:

Never speak as if the person isn’t there. Don’t exclude him/her, even if there is an ongoing delusion or hallucination. Typically there will still be a sense of what is going on; that includes being hurt by your talking as though the person is not around.

  • If you need to talk to someone else about him/her, say it in a way that one wouldn’t mind hearing, or take a moment to speak in private.

Tip #9:

Check with other people who know this person. You may learn a lot about how best to talk to this particular person by asking the friends and family or (if applicable) care-taker. There are a number of questions you might want to ask these people, such as:

  • Is there a history of hostility?
  • Has there ever been an arrest?
  • Are there any delusions or hallucinations in particular that I should be aware of?
  • Are there any specific ways I should react to any situations you think I might find myself in with this person?

Tip #10:

Have a back-up plan. Know how you will leave the room, if the conversation goes badly or if you feel that your safety is threatened.

  • Do your best to think ahead of time about how you’ll calmly reassure and gently talk the person out of anger or paranoia. Maybe there is something you can do to make the person feel at ease. If, for instance, he/she feels the government is spying on him/her, offer to cover the windows with aluminum foil to be safe and protected from any scanning/spying devices.

Tip #11:

Be prepared to accept unusual things. Keep an even keel and don’t react. A person with schizophrenia will likely behave and speak differently than someone without the disorder. Don’t laugh at, mock or make fun of any faulty reasoning or logic. If you feel reasonably threatened or in imminent harm, as if threats might be carried out, call the police, but stay there as interactions with the police have too frequently resulted in the death of the patient at the hands of the police.

  • If you imagine what it must be like to live with such a problematic disorder, you will realize the gravity of the situation and that such problems are nothing to mock.

3FBBC233-F5CF-407C-87A5-087D84D3E456Tip #12:

Encourage continued use of medication. It is common for individuals who suffer from schizophrenia to want to get off of medications. However, it is very important that medication use continue. If there are mentions of coming off his medication in conversation you can:

  • Suggest to check in with the doctor first before making such a serious decision.
  • Remind that if one feels better now, it may be because of medication use, but that continuing to feel better may require continued use of those medications.

Tip #13:

Avoid feeding their delusions about “you”. If s/he becomes paranoid and mentions that you are plotting against him/her, avoid making too much bold eye contact, as this might increase the paranoia.