Keeping~>FA!TH<~?

Keeping~>FA!TH<~?

 “There are so many things I want to tell my students in our last class, so many things I want to remind them of. Write about ~> Your childhoods ~> I tell them for the umpteenth time ~> Write about that time in your life when you were so intensely interested in the world ~> Write about when your powers of observation were at their most aCute ~> Write when you felt the things so deeply! Exploring? and understanding your ~> adult:childhood will give you the ability to empathize ~> and that understanding ~> and empathy ~> will teach you to write with intelligence ~> and insight ~> and COMPASSION.”

~Anne, Bird by Bird >

Keeping~>the, FA!TH?

Fa!th pulses within~> these wordS~> mY site pulses ~> as it waits for me to arrive ~> to SING! ~> to write to IT ~> again?

Arrive ~> this Bird HAS ~> Bird by Bird ~> Word ~> after word ~> Anne Lamott might approve if she is read:listening write now. Rob!n would too > & IF you know a rob!n like ! do, that !s<.

Becoming > an ARTist > a wr!ter > is sub:con:sc!ous > remember th!s > Journal!ng~>Wr!t!ng ~> it’s “work”~> med!tat!ve Wr!t!ng and express!ve in every poss!ble way!

Is this normal?! yes, Normal? is when we wr!te here ~> And Wr!ting? Is no longer just a want in l!fe, this med!tat!ve scr!b!ng habit has become a NEED to release these true stor!es as they ar!se ~> R!SE ~> *then, ROAR!*

Rising ~> Creating, writing and growing UP like the hope~>full!wo:man, that ‘i am’

Homeless? Not yet, though day-by-day IT’s RUFF watching IT happen > y!kes!

Steph>Stephan:ie>artist?>Even as i wander with Sky and/or Rob!n to walk this “anger” that other people are holding OFF. It’s RUFF for all of US write now! It’s eXtreme, to say the least.

This walking da!LoveOUT>side thing has ALMOST become a NEED to FEEL SAFEr@home, ESPecially with all this ANGER inside here. Today? more SLAMMING DOORS indoors >Yeesh!

Walk!ng outdoors where it’s LOUD all the time, but ! can STILL move AWAY from BAD ENERGY?! gotta love it! Walk > walk > walk!

When we do this simple, healthy activity together ~> Sky and ! stop to meet the most wonderful people. Today we met “FA!TH” at the Bus Stop in Encinitas where ! gave her my “new” mini-leather-bound journal, then she created this for Us:

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Sky’s “random” stopping to sniff near FA!TH and receive love from HER? Perfect toDaY! Doing so, Sky and I both learned “FA!TH” and I share almost an identical birth and that she is the coolest #24 cat I’ve met in a while.

Love was in every word of Fa!th’s perfect story. Even the one about when she was a little girl > the one she was scared to tell > “the One” about having a baby girl > then still feeling that loss ~> “the One” about being raped when she was a teenager ~> Whoo boY,

More words to Fa!th’s story is not mine to tell because it’s my story too. ! was raped, ! recovered too. ! chose an abort!on instead.

! chose an abortion ~> ! recognized that was right for me ~> ! had a choice and ! made that fa!thful decision with God in heart and m!nd!

Fa!th didn’t feel that same opportunity, or possibility it was not present to her. Fa!th has faith she did the right thing too! Def!n!tely.

Perhaps she has told that story too many times to tell it all again. ! heard her love, her faith, and ! do hope she tells me the wHolY story someday. Whatever story Fa!th’s heart desires to contribute to this world? ~> as she wishes ~> so “Fa!th” will be!

Today? Fa!th grew my “FAITH” in this art ~> in “BirdAnitY” ~> and in the future ~> Keeping the FA!TH!

Thanks, Faith ~> wherever You are ~> love,

~>Stephan:ie>BirdbyBird

A17C7F03-0FF5-4E99-A24A-4BFD6FDD3EC6

MORE!!!$HIT$?!?

MORE!!!$HIT$?!?

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Has everyOne started making a plan to disappear like a Ghost in the Night?

Is that how these words work? God, I have no idea what to do next. Looking around at the items in my room, I wonder what I will need in my own cart. I consider each “thing” even as I hold on to it as an item I want to remember when I die. I think about the things that I have held onto for a life:time, I take pictures of them, perhaps to pack them away in my memories for when I really am gone and they donate this s*** to the thrift $tore$

Is this normal? I’m not sure, but it seems like we all do it to some extent. We all buy $hit, then pack away these pictures of who we were and why we were here.

25E44B11-F478-4A40-9220-43EB8FF7A324Why I was here? It was to make BirdAnitY i suppose, it was to form this Sentence and the next One and the next until these life sentences stop coming to you live from this sentence where I live in Cardiff ~> and where i am reminded daily that my friend$ want me dead ~. in their mindS eye ~. they want me GONZO’

img_5555Did that make sense? It did to me when i wrote IT in meditative writing this morning. Scribing, writing, releasing, publishing, editing, wondering, wandering, walking with these words and worrying about disappearing like a Ghost in the Night and being murdered in my sleep for what I write because HOMELESS PEOPLE ~> CONvicts ~> and lawyers ~> are watching ~> “me” ~> then sending out alerts to “former friends” to get “ANGRY” and cause a scene ~> whew, boy ~> that was a dooZY this morning with “Heather” wasn’t IT? ~> i asked if SHE wanted to talk, but nope ~> only TEXTY TEXT text of words were safe ~> to: “Heather?”

17b1047f-d973-4953-ae94-28e486f4b37e*sigh* SHE is watching these WORDY WORD words and what SHE doesn;t realize is that i wrote A LOT of WORDY WORD WORDs, anthologies of words that NO ONE CARES ABOUT ~> just like @lemanshots [who also doesn’t give a RATS ASS ABOUT “ME”, yet keeps LIKING MY SHIT! and wanting me to make ART of this “ASS”]

People are playing cards with LIKES, left and WRITE, and i am not sure who’s side i am on anymore, but i do like to WRITE

about both sides of what is WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING WORLD we WRITE TO:!

SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING WORLD WE LIVE IN?!?!?!

a59c6a68-76d8-4f54-b1af-ca632ad558b1ARE we going TOO DAMNED FAST to ENJOY the FUCKING world WE LIVE in?

I feel like we are going WAY TOO FAST, and it makes me want to,

Start making a plan to disappear like a Ghost in the Night,

Has everyOne started making a plan?

To: disappear like a Spirit

in the HEAT of the SUN?

as PEOPLE are

watching US

img_5544assend

into

the

CLOUDS?

 

*LOL*

 

TOOsday – Rob!n Day9

TOOsday – Rob!n Day9

Rob!n Day9

It’s 6am on TOOsday, 6/19/18 and today I’m just hoping to feel alive again. Yesterday felt dead to me. God, I felt dead no matter how many steps I walked, no matter how hard I tried, the feeling that people want me to dead is palpable. Waking up, I find another reminder that people are <WATCHING ME! and STOP WRITING ABOUT WHAT YOU BELIEVE!>

Jesus, Heather might be WRITE, <NO ONE IS GOING TO WANT ME after all this? According to Heather, that’s what I should be think think thinking about all DAY ~> NO ONE WANTS ME ~> NO ONE LOVES ME ~> I GUESS I SHOULD GO EAT ~> my WORDS? ~> WORMS?>

Maybe I should eat worms! They have a lot of heart and either way, I need to clean up my room and/or go find Rob!n. Each day with him, it’s a new set of cards where I really never know what we are going to do together. Sum days I don’t have much patience for Rob!in, I see his shenanigans and his false pretenses. I hear him tell me what to do, then i tell him what’s UP with that “DEW”. But we stick with the lessons of learning about one another ~> and #me too,

Perhaps today i will learn how to ride the San Diego bus system. No joke, this white ass hasn’t sat on a San Diego bus since i moved here four years ago, though i have sat on a lot of dirty side walks. i’ve walked a lot of steps, and busses/trains were never totally my thing when i like having Sky and he wants to walk with #me too

Love,

Steph

9E797972-C62B-489A-872D-7EAE11801399p.s. a friend “Heather”? is threatening me with a lawyer..*sigh* What she doesn’t understand is that last night, she was “played” by the person who alerted her. Whomever that “friend” was. Too, lawyers don’t want anyone’s Case unless You, “Heather”, have money$ to listen. Lawyers don’t want to be counselors, they don’t want to listen and unless it’s their ~> family ~> friends ~> or they are getting paid. Every hour they spend talking to “you” could be worth hundreds or thousands per hour elsewhere, and that’s how counselors calculate time in their legal heads.

Lawyers? You better make IT a good story because right there and then, they will take you to the Court in their minds to figure out whether You are a good bet to line their pockets further with MOOLALA$$ChaCHING! Time = $pent Re$earching US<~WeirdOs!

UNFortunately, i am not a good bet or one of those WeirdOs!, i am a WILD:LIFE card, and that’s the way they will see IT every Single PLAY. Sorry, not sorry that “Heather hates me” today and wishes me ill will.

At INC ~> I feel/felt/found I was publicly humiliated too ~> me too ~> me2 ~> Steph Bird was publicly humiliated on repeat at “INC” in front of all those people ~> i, Steph, was PUBLICLY HUMILIATED in front of and by ~> INC named [Rob!n] entered HERE ~> all EXecutive estates of INC, ~> and as of today, i will never enter those hallowed grounds again because of comments from “Heather” ~>

~> BirdAnitY is not an “INC” today and i will never be as an ARTist ~>

my “INK” today is my public humiliation ~>

then living with the knowing~>

that every SINGLE DAY “my people” ~>

this tribe here in Cal!for!a ~>

LOVED me for many suns ~>

LIED to me for many moons ~>

CRIED to me for many texts ~>

SMOKED with me on campus at INC! ~>

FRIED me in their minds to a deadly crisp ~>

 

Wait, ALL people who “LOVED me?” ~ >

playing cards like they’re da’ only One holding em’ ~>

 

*SIGH*

i feel EVERYONE’s cards!?! ~>

and i can see yOUR CARDS all over yOUch! ~>

“put down the cards” ~fellow Artist: Spencer Beals

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“Stop playing your cards like you’re the only one playing” ~Spencer Beals

 

Rob!nDaY_$!X

Rob!nDaY_$!X

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Walking with Rob!n,

i wonder whether he is God or whether i am following a lost road. Again and again, he reminds me to just listen to realize that neither of us is lost We are just two humans who wander and walk. Sure, I sing to him often during the day, listening to the tunes from a Cell for as long as the battery will last Us.

Flying like two Birds to Encinitas and back, we walk and wander, having no idea where we are going or where we will end. It’s pretty heavenly to learn to slow roll with this walk, his pace. Resting in the knowing that i can take it slow now = ?sorta SLOW, !’ve always been sorta slow anyway…

64F9E859-8BAB-4C6F-8DDB-BB7B2CCE3677[and i’m almost 38? years old! is that enough slow? when is IT enough?!? When can i be done with all that counting!

[EXclamat!on po!nts? !’m not sure about those except always with quest!on marks? after sentences !nside brackets of data that mean noth!ng <~entered HERE]

WAS this ART:Love too?

Am i still love?

Too,

one of @least Two,

$teph~>B!rd<~Rob!n

BD4B3250-31DB-447D-A2C2-DDFD4E60AFAFp.S. ! recogn!ze the last two paragraph$ only made sense to $um, but try to $um !T for a moment, take the leap~>yes? games, play games~>yes, $umT!me$<~Rob!nB!ird

 

 

 

 

Rob!nDay#One

Rob!nDay#One

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Rob!n<~>Day#One

Wandering with these fluid words as I wandered by body today, when you reach a state of enLIGHTenment, you will be home~less? Depends, but keep using that word “less” and quoting people like Oprah or Eckart, that’s exactly where You are headed.

Either way <U R HERE>, we are in this together so pack LIGHT and get prepared to feng shit your “house” with some essential oils. The adventure is wonderful, and the map to locating wild life already confirms you’re Here in that beautiful mind.

Sum people tell me that I have a beautiful mind, and I confess that’s true half the time. The other half, it’s observing fear from whatever eye that third one is called, then observing it’s own analysis of write/wrong that pushes One into beauty and/or beast.

My final half confession of the day is to report that I feel more often like a beast in that equation, wild and mostly fluid with word after wordY word. Beauty being in the eye of the beholder, I try to make sure to release the messenger to heal again. It’s not easy.

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Rob!n’s Story?

Included waking up and meeting Rob!n at dawn. I’m not sure what I expected, so I packed up a few more things than we needed, picked up Sky’s wagging tail, then wandered to Rob!n’s lair. I was grateful to see it was perfect timing as he had just woken and was clearing the energy in his space.

*sigh* man, seriously, I wish You could have seen my day…but, I guess You were there!

Someday soon, I’m going to write about my days with Rob!n and there’s definitely a really peaceful story. Dusk to sunset on this Monday, Rob!n slept a lot and it seems he needs a lot of naps right now. Serving him and observing him is a heart-felt pleasure. He feels the same way.

All that aside, I have decided to try and adjust my habit of using the word “homeless”. After today and what could have been one of the “best days of my life”, the label of Rob!n with “less” just seems stranger than fiction. We are +/~ = Rob!n and I, and he doesn’t think or feel any less at home.

Veterans:

If anyone knows a number I can call other than the VA to find support [from Camp Pendleton?] for a well-spoken former Veteran who served in the USMC, and possibly a fighter pilot?

On Rob!n’s behalf, I tried calling several numbers with the VA and needless to say, we didn’t get far. Oddly enough, the gentleman on the phone had me on hold for nearly 20 minutes, but didn’t do a lick of research after asking for the SSN. Tomorrow, Rob!n wants to call Camp Pendleton because he believes they have his ID and “stuff” [whatever that is].

Glad to google it in the morning too. To0morrow? Today is going to be another “best day ever” day when we find the next military step or dream to believe on a <Tuesday?>

Love?

Steph

<~>pre-mediTation <~>
<~>pre-mediAtion <~>
<~>Pre-mediCated <~>
<~>Pre-mediated <~>
<~>WRaPPmu$ic<~>

Comments?

Comments?

C8AF67C8-CB49-46DA-856C-3248C30448FC

Not worth a nickel,

Wisdom of the ages tells me that writing personal stories like Birdanity will never be worth a nickel. Wisdom tell me that when I do this writing thing for no reason, but love, it is worth nothing. I even hear that it’s “better” to be quiet often.

Maybe they are right about that legacy wisdom of quiet solitude, but this morning I want to reach out to the equally wise people who read this for comments. Each day people “like” my work here, and any feedback about Birdanity and what we’ve developed here so far?

I ask because I have more than 10K unread emails in all of my Inboxes, and for me that old form of email exchange just isn’t as effective as it use to be. Unfortunately for me, email is the reason “you” are going to have to “show up with tacos” if we are friends and you want to chat.

Sure, maybe “showing up” is not all that effective to many or even appealing, but we can agree to disagree there. It’s been my experience that people want to be heard. Within all of those unread emails, there were at least a few from friends that I’ve never read.

If you are that friend and I never read/replied to your email or text even, I’m sorry that I didn’t find your message among all the mass marketing campaigns. If you could do me the courtesy of coming to Birdanity, the place I “work”, and posting a Comment here, I will respond asap.

Thanks in advance for your time when speaking kindly to help this human plant grow..

Steph Bird

563A3115-602D-486C-B503-FD0CCF6C14F5

 

Live Writing! #Take_One

Live Writing! #Take_One

4BE5A82F-065A-4B67-957F-16C33FA45601

It feels like…

I don’t want to learn how to click another Button anymore. Button, button, where is that button, I “say” and I don’t say anything because I pressed a button to say it these days. Of course, there is being on stage, audio, video and live performances of, “testing, testing, is this thing on?”

Yes it is “on” and here I am, W-R-I-T-I-N-G aloud with the flick of a right button in sequential order from my heart to my head to my fingers and toes. Writing without concern for capital letters. Here I am, coming to you live from Cardiff-by-the-Sea, CA, where this live writing thing gets real and way too personal.

What is also real are all these buttons and sentences this morning. Prior to writing here, I ventured into other sites, opting to read about how Silence Killed the Dinosaurs of expecting parent Lucy Grove-Jones and WSJ’s When the Twitter Mob Came for Me by fellow writer Kevin D. Williamson. Two articles on drastically different topics, but both written with the care and concern of several button’s worth of time.

After reading all these articles today, and even the ones I’ve read over the last 37 years, I feel as though all these button pressings must be silenced. Freedom of speech must be stopped, and it seems almost silly to say that humans must be silenced, but is this true? I’m not sure, especially when journalists like Kevin D. Williamson express that they want to see me lynched for having had an abortion and it’s his legal right to talk about it at the press of a button.

Regardless the topic,

freedom of button-pressing

must be stopped!

But wait,

is that true?

You tell me,

I’m still writing here

LIVE (to You,).

Waiting for your LIKE

Your YES

Your comment or

Your Reply?

~Stephanie Bird

p.s. I feel uncertainty when I write. Still, this LIVE Writing thing is real. However strange it may seem, there was one paragraph to what Lucy wrote that struck a chord inside. Her words didn’t just apply to a heart-breaking miscarriage, they had everything to do with how I feel today about my own life…

“I didn’t cope well with the uncertainty. I spent every spare moment wrapped into an igloo of blankets either sleeping or reading so that I didn’t have to think about the fact that, no matter how hard I wanted to hold on, I could feel my body letting go.”

….

have you ever felt

that quite frankly,

no one cares!

if this body

is letting go!

I do…..