“There are so many things I want to tell my students in our last class, so many things I want to remind them of. Write about ~> Your childhoods ~> I tell them for the umpteenth time ~> Write about that time in your life when you were so intensely interested in the world ~> Write about when your powers of observation were at their most aCute ~> Write when you felt the things so deeply! Exploring? and understanding your ~> adult:childhood will give you the ability to empathize ~> and that understanding ~> and empathy ~> will teach you to write with intelligence ~> and insight ~> and COMPASSION.”

~Anne, Bird by Bird >

Keeping~>the, FA!TH?

Fa!th pulses within~> these wordS~> mY site pulses ~> as it waits for me to arrive ~> to SING! ~> to write to IT ~> again?

Arrive ~> this Bird HAS ~> Bird by Bird ~> Word ~> after word ~> Anne Lamott might approve if she is read:listening write now. Rob!n would too > & IF you know a rob!n like ! do, that !s<.

Becoming > an ARTist > a wr!ter > is sub:con:sc!ous > remember th!s > Journal!ng~>Wr!t!ng ~> it’s “work”~> med!tat!ve Wr!t!ng and express!ve in every poss!ble way!

Is this normal?! yes, Normal? is when we wr!te here ~> And Wr!ting? Is no longer just a want in l!fe, this med!tat!ve scr!b!ng habit has become a NEED to release these true stor!es as they ar!se ~> R!SE ~> *then, ROAR!*

Rising ~> Creating, writing and growing UP like the hope~>full!wo:man, that ‘i am’

Homeless? Not yet, though day-by-day IT’s RUFF watching IT happen > y!kes!

Steph>Stephan:ie>artist?>Even as i wander with Sky and/or Rob!n to walk this “anger” that other people are holding OFF. It’s RUFF for all of US write now! It’s eXtreme, to say the least.

This walking da!LoveOUT>side thing has ALMOST become a NEED to FEEL SAFEr@home, ESPecially with all this ANGER inside here. Today? more SLAMMING DOORS indoors >Yeesh!

Walk!ng outdoors where it’s LOUD all the time, but ! can STILL move AWAY from BAD ENERGY?! gotta love it! Walk > walk > walk!

When we do this simple, healthy activity together ~> Sky and ! stop to meet the most wonderful people. Today we met “FA!TH” at the Bus Stop in Encinitas where ! gave her my “new” mini-leather-bound journal, then she created this for Us:


Sky’s “random” stopping to sniff near FA!TH and receive love from HER? Perfect toDaY! Doing so, Sky and I both learned “FA!TH” and I share almost an identical birth and that she is the coolest #24 cat I’ve met in a while.

Love was in every word of Fa!th’s perfect story. Even the one about when she was a little girl > the one she was scared to tell > “the One” about having a baby girl > then still feeling that loss ~> “the One” about being raped when she was a teenager ~> Whoo boY,

More words to Fa!th’s story is not mine to tell because it’s my story too. ! was raped, ! recovered too. ! chose an abort!on instead.

! chose an abortion ~> ! recognized that was right for me ~> ! had a choice and ! made that fa!thful decision with God in heart and m!nd!

Fa!th didn’t feel that same opportunity, or possibility it was not present to her. Fa!th has faith she did the right thing too! Def!n!tely.

Perhaps she has told that story too many times to tell it all again. ! heard her love, her faith, and ! do hope she tells me the wHolY story someday. Whatever story Fa!th’s heart desires to contribute to this world? ~> as she wishes ~> so “Fa!th” will be!

Today? Fa!th grew my “FAITH” in this art ~> in “BirdAnitY” ~> and in the future ~> Keeping the FA!TH!

Thanks, Faith ~> wherever You are ~> love,





Have you ever just wanted to take a breather and disappear for a while? Then, re-appeared in another beautiful mind, and another life altogether? Almost like a carnival, it’s alive with lights, color, and vivid spectrums of bliss and emotion. Here, we express Californication freely until we need to crawl into a hole and reappear for a while in bed alone, meditatively crying softly and wondering, Why do we feel this way? Who do I ask these Why questions in the quiet of night before I die to wake again? It’s for You ~> God, You = you and me, too. In those moments, we are One. There is a special place available IN my Queen size bed for a god among God(s). Tonight, God is in the Cloud and the white noise machine NEXT to my bed that keeps housemates from hearing my prayers and cries. God? You don’t usually answer my whY with a replY, but You seem to be here everyTime We look for You, and everyWhere We look. This life is now also connected to so many others. The waves are intense and the splash of colors is so vibrant that I find I’m a player of magical scenes. Living within the art and feeling, the fluid nature of Us. This evening, I had insight after breakthrough. As I sat down to write here about that, I am focused on forgiveness. Practicing this art of that release, it’s time to release and rewrite these stories. Today I also confess that I stayed too long in several of yesterdays stories. I sought knowledge there, then I realized hindsights of things in an effort to understand. I finished books, I scribed it all and found one word = forgive, One day at a time. That’s how it works. In every memory of their presence in my life, I forgive when sending light and love, then I forget that I need to remember those people who need a goodbye for a while. As I was telling Stephan about all my old journals that are now finished and represent years of my life’s work (Volume 1 – #38?) I remembered the story about my ex-husband reading my journal after he sought to know the truth of what I thought of him. I wonder how often he picked this book up. Then I began to wonder that this is all just being done. People may be causing drama in life, and simply to hear their own story. Looking for a reflection, they crave honest and solid feedback from a non-judgmental friend who is loyal until The End with words. With that in mind, I’ve decided I may need to dis~>appear. My parents could have been right about me when they said that I am wrong to write here as I do. They told me that this book I have written is cursed for life. True? I do spend an awful lot of cursed time thinking about the homeless. Maybe that’s what I really want anyway, with no address at all to my name or location to identify. No PO Box, no Cell or text to discern emotions, and no e-mail. Instead, you’ll find me deeply rooted inside a network of soulful connections that I need and want.

Test 20180609:22:48,

Stephan/ie Bird