A-DemiSexual

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demisexual pride flag

IMG_4296Feeling A-lien?

I met my partner by asking that alien to grab a coffee with me two years ago, but only after I observed his love for other people when we happened to be sitting near one another enjoying a sun bath on Blacks Beach. He even let me take this picture ~> back in 2016 for his contact on the phone. In an age in which we are constantly one swipe away from our next relationship, the idea of romance is rushed and convenient in a way that it never has been before. With me though ~> that feeling of being “in love” has never felt rushed.

According to psychics, there is this mystical inner voice that tells you whether you’re right for that person, but for others it’s impossible to operate that way. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what it means to be asexual or demisexual, and whether or not the term applies to you, then read on.

Demisexuality

website1Demisexuality is just one of many shades on the scale of asexuality, but put into layman’s terms, it’s the difficulty in feeling sexual attraction to someone you’re not friends with first. According to asexuality.org:

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.

R_U_Different?

demisexualflagBeing demisexual means different things, depending on experiences. And here’s where the struggle may come in.

Some relationships start out these days to set up an arrangement whereby people meet each other with the intention of being friends and then waiting for however long to see if romantic feelings crop up. If you’re dating in a big city, for instance, the primary way to meet people is online or through apps. And while you can generally tell on a first date whether or not you’d want to be friends with someone, it’s nearly impossible for a demisexual person to decide whether or not you’d be sexually attracted to them without the element of friendship and trust already in place — despite the fact that this seems to be the expectation of modern dating. The current climate demands that at the end of a date, you know right then whether you’re in or out. And you can’t exactly explain your feelings to someone you just met, particularly in an age when not engaging in romantic or affectionate activity on dates is considered a rejection.

It can be hard to explain to someone who doesn’t feel this way, because demisexuality is actually quite subtle if you’re not aware of it. If you’re still unsure whether or not this applies to you, then see if you relate to some of the other hallmarks of being demisexual.

Most, If Not All, Of Your Relationships Have Started Out As Friendships

There is an element of complete trust and security that attracts you to them. It’s not just the feeling of safety, or the sense of being able to predict what they’ll do or how they’ll react. It’s bone-deep, an attraction for who they are as a whole that makes you see them in an entirely different light than you did when you first met. There is no honeymoon phase in relationships for you, because what other people typically refer to as a “honeymoon” phase is more of your “uncertainty” phase. You’re much more comfortable and attracted to someone long after you know all the little details about their lives, how they feel about things, what makes them tick.

You Frequently Put More Pressure On First Dates Than Other Friends

While the rest of the world seems to be moaning about how commitment-phobic our generation is, you feel an entirely different kind of pressure, because you know that when it comes down to it, people expect you to have a genuine gauge for how you will proceed with them after a first date. So you focus too much on everything. You nitpick, or you look for cosmic signs. You talk to too many people about it, or you’re so afraid of getting influenced that you don’t tell anyone at all. If you’ve ever ghosted, it isn’t out of disinterest so much as out of being at a complete and utter loss. You don’t want to waste their time or hurt anyone by continuing to date them unless you’re sure you’re attracted to them, and you can’t be sure unless you continue to date them for a while, so BOOM. You are a human catch-22.

You Still Feel Sexual Attraction To Strangers — But, it’s VERY Fleeting

demisexual_definition.jpgA misconception about demisexuals is that they only feel the one kind of attraction toward best friends, but the truth is that they feel other kinds of attraction, too. Asexuality.org explains, for instance, that there is “primary” sexual attraction — the attraction to what you see first, like a person’s looks, aesthetic, and/or the way they carry themselves — and secondary sexual attraction, which is more rooted in personality and the way you connect with someone. In relationships, demisexuals operate almost solely on secondary attraction. That doesn’t mean that we don’t occasionally see a hot person on the subway and start to sweat. It’s just fleeting, is the thing — and if we ever actively pursued it, chances are the attraction would be gone almost immediately.

Your Crushes May Seem Like A Really Big Deal

As a demisexual, when you feel “in love” that sensation is monumental. Everyone seemed to think we’d all grow out of “having crushes” in adulthood that had the same intensity as the ones we had in junior high or high school, but if anything, yours only seem to have more depth to them than they did when we were younger.

You Have Found Yourself Very Confused In Friendships

Particularly in friendships involving the gender(s) you’re attracted to. Most, if not all, of your unrequited crushes have been born of friendships — ones that you embarked on without any other agenda whatsoever. It gets to the point where you are genuinely surprised when you find that you are attracted to them, and even more surprised by how irreversible it seems. At least a few friendships have gotten awkward in situations when the feelings went unreciprocated, although you find that you can usually work past it to preserve a friendship.

People Often Dub You A “Prude”

“Prude.” “Ice queen.” “Sandra Dee.” “Goody-goody.” You’ve heard it all before. These are just a few of the problematic labels people assign to those who aren’t having as much sex as what’s considered “average,” despite the fact that it’s completely healthy and OK to feel that way. (And really, there is no “average” when it comes to sex).

Some people certainly do refrain from sex for their own moral reasons or beliefs, and some (including demisexuals) just have a lack of interest. Regardless, these labels are not just inappropriate and offensive, but inaccurate — no matter what reason a person has for refraining from sex.

In the end, though, you can only do what feels right for you, even when other people project their own feelings and insecurities on your choices. The romantic world is difficult to navigate, no matter how you feel or don’t feel about sex, so the best thing you can do for yourself is trust your gut and stick to it.

Steph Bird

References:

Asexual Visibility & Education – https://asexuality.org

Wikipedia – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gray_asexuality

Leveling Up

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Spencer Beals

Looking back at this life, there are few people whom I completely trust. People might say the lack of quantity is bad or fault, but if “bad” were a case in court and the verdict needed to be aboutaccuracy with respect to intuition, God knowsI am a good person learning to trust. Everyone, even the untrustworthy and non-living spirits.

In fact, I’ve been trying to trust the living for a lifetime of being human. Though still feeling a bit like Noah, waiting for God to bring a flood of trust my way. I even built this Birdanity ark to wait for that flood, then made a covenant that I wouldn’t stop writing to the God I trust [HERE] about the people I do and even don’t trust until all the totally trustworthy ones rain down on me like a flood.

The Ark

Scrolling through the images in this little black box today to understand the her-story, or even why I might be crying like a girl on this sunny Saturday afternoon, I felt the need to delete several pieces of art that I made of old friends photos. They are people I still love and may still see again, and I don’t anticipate that I will need to return to that art or offer any record of my colorful past.

“Friends” are welcome to keep what I create in their own archives. Many do keep me, as is. And as is, I’m studying the images of people that I decided to keep for the next level of my life, which is:”Level 4” or Wisdom.

Here’s the lineup to achieve a Level 4 life. Level 4 is also what a fellow artist (named Spencer Beals) was describing in his art here:

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Level 1

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Level 2

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Level 3

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Level 4

Visioning leveling up, I do that with an appreciation that this Level 4 is where I am in my head and where I want to be in this reality. I even see myself standing in that tiny little hut of Wisdom because somehow, that makes sense that I both offer (and need) wisdom.

I also see “you” holding that magic scepter in this image in my head, then speaking of joy as we all sit in the crowd listening. Like these images, I want to create sustainability too and whatever that means to us as a community.

To be honest, I’m not the perfect scientist to know exactly what “joy” or even “sustainability” means to everyone here on this planet. Instead, I’m a teacher without expectations of knowing every witch pathway will get us all to Level 4. Faith is believing in the possibility of moving our own internalized mountains.

Leveling up on these emotions today, I know what artist Spencer Beals also knew. I am here now, and I want to live in Level 4 just as much as the next artist. This writing, this art, is what we do to get to a Level 4 filled with fostering these expressions.

Steph Bird

Myself that I crucify…

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What is “wrong” with me?

God, it’s a double-dose of crying today. Which is weird, because I thought I had it all down. Instead, I threw it all away again.

All I had to do was wait and be patient. All I had to do was be quiet and docile and meek, and if only I could stop THIS crying..

Crying_boy_blogBut I can’t. The fact is, I’ve tried for 37+ years to stop crying and today, these emotions that I feel are still SO intense. I’m not sure what else to do, but desperately dream of finding a desert to wander for 40 days and nights. Jesus, that’s how much I want to find myself “good” in this god damn desert. 

Like Christ, I also dream of deciding what items are the most important to keep to continue this wandering thing. I even practice wandering around this great state of California because for some reason, this is where I want to stay.

Doing this dreaming activity for months now, I can’t stop feeling the need to wander up north with my dog, let my armpit hair grow out (more than it already is), then learn to stop talking so much and dance better or play a better game of pool.

Whatever, I’ll get there. I guess it’s time to wander and let this dream begin. The goal here, of course, is to stop crying and pack light. Wish me luck?

Love ~> Steph.. Bird?

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UnconditionallY

I had a whole story to tell you this morning, but I suppose the real reason that I write to you all is grace. I even want compassion and love for my own story. That’s the simple truth, except I don’t want to tell stories anymore to receive that grace and I don’t want to beg. I just want that feeling to run through you unconditionally when we meet again, if we do..

Attempting to gracefully write everyday about unconditional love, I really DO get that I have not been graceful with everyone. I’ve written whole short stories about how truly ungraceful I can be. After considering those stories and applying the above text from A Course in Miracles, in just two paragraphs I am humbled and brought to my knees by all the child-like mischief and stories.

Today, this post in the sand of my time is for me as much as it is for you because to be honest, I will probably read it more than a few times today to remind me that it can only be but myself that I crucify

  • When I wrote “bad” online reviews for “old companies” that sent peace officers to my home, it can only be but myself that I crucified.
  • When I wrote some truly “horrible” things about others and their own health habits, it can only be but myself that I crucified.
  • When I wrote how truly painful all those emotions felt inside, then got dramatic as I excommunicated others from my life, it can only be but myself that I crucified.

That’s the simple lesson isn’t it = It can only be but myself that I crucify. Even everyday I clicked publish on these real-life stories that you will probably never read again. This one must be for you because you are reading it for the limited edition version that it is.

Lately, I am filtering through everything that I have ever written. It’s weird to see my own stories in all this priceless poetic jibberish with little to no value. Sure, there were a lot 0′ likes on some of those old posts and even some really great comments of support, but what was that all worth?

At the time, it was priceless (to me). Random loved ones ‘likes’ and support helped me to understand that I wasn’t alone in this online journal called a Cloud. When people at least agreed with me, I felt appreciated for being vulnerable. And, I’m not sure that those old agreements have as much value today because who knows if we still agree.

Those beautiful stories don’t feel of much value to anyone either. Thus, all the stories that were once available to you here are gone today and that’s just the way it’s probably going to be for a lifetime of limited edition art. Priceless stories that can only be mine, and it is but myself that I crucify.

Steph Bird

 

Lesson 20180714:

It can be but myself I crucify..

  1. When it is firmly understood and kept in full awareness, you will not attempt to harm yourself, nor make your body slave to vengeance. You will not attack yourself, and you will realize that to attack another is but to attack yourself. You will be free of the insane belief that to attack a brother saves yourself. And you will understand his safety is your own, and in his healing you are healed.
  2. Today’s idea is one step we take in leading us from bondage to the state of perfect freedom. Let us take this step today, that we may quickly go the way salvation shows us, taking every step in it’s appointed sequence, as the mind relinquishes its burdens one by one. It is not time we need for this. It is but willingness.For what would seem to need a thousand years can easily be done just one instant by the grace of God.

THEY

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Learning to accept that my blood sisters and the people that I thought I would love for life…well, today they just aren’t the sisters that I trust. Instead, one of my sisters has been a woman who goes by “B” and one of my “Best” friends since I moved to this angelic city.

Proud to say too that Bridget was in the San Diego City Beat today and is still Finding Queer Joy over in City Heights.

hlfeyah99u4zI may not live down south in North Park anymore, but “queer” or “they” is who I am here in North County San Diego. In many ways, it still feels radical to be considered gay here. A few of my friends from North Park even tell me they get the feeling of “old people in Florida” when visiting my hood. Sometimes I agree and don’t wonder that it would be a whole lot easier to be queer if I lived back with more of the queer folk down south..

Like Bridget and the Brown Building, I’m looking for queer joy and in a parallel path, Birdanity’s elements also have their origins in training, self-care, artistic and creative projects. We aim to relieve individual stress through life coaching, training, meditation, vibration and physical touch.

Whenever+i+see+these+people+_a5071ab78e14535748870294579b009bBeing a highly-sensitive people, we also have agreements that I need to confirm before discussing the evolution of any training or connection. All individuals, groups and even artists in this space must agree to operate in a manner that promotes inclusivity, consent and comfort for all participants, including meetings and projects where LGBTQI individuals can feel safe and accepted.

Steph Bird

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Steph Bird, 16yrs old

StageS?

Staging is happening today in the Birdanity background like it’s a revelation. All the podiums are being built to the right and left. This training practice of brothers and sisters is beginning to get louder. This one voice is being tested, over and again.

We say,

“Testing, testing – Is this One voice ON?”

A1868551-36D9-4B10-B203-D46270988520YES! As a vibrational instrument of One, I will rise and speak for me too. With you in Spirit, we will rise when the time comes and we will glow with laughter, I will cheer for you, then we will sing.

I will sing with everyone and that will be the day, won’t it? “Revelations” or something like that, right? That’s the story my leaders told me from the beginning anyway and God, this feels like a revelation.

We all know that Revelation day was coming my WAY faster than we wanted to appreciate. We felt it and now we know it to be true. “God” was quite a biblical “story” to tell this Bird from her mother’s womb.

“Somebody” may have stepped into a soul to write these words, and someone else may have be in control. Either way, I am certain that One Spirit is still speaking now. It is “me”, it is “we” and we all speak, ready or not here we are.

IMG_5052God knows it wasn’t easy being told that I was an angel as a child. I was an introverted scribe who had to learn to sing on stage. The Bird family can contest that ‘I’ was fairly quiet when I was young, but I turned into a “WE” with age and then had to sing on the beach, the streets and even until we got evicted for singing..

‘I’ did all that singing and it was ALL my fault for being WAY TOO LOUD. Apparently, I was missing you WAY TOO MUCH when I was singing those HYMNS?…

<HOWL!!!>

Lights shining inside here as we wake at 5am each morning to howl through these words, we even take on the shape of other people’s pain. God can see “me” and this body is not afraid to write. God ain’t mine to throw away so I write to God about what isn’t mine to throw away.

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Steph Bird @ 4 weeks

Little by little, I learned that “they” robbed this angelic soul of heavenly time here on Earth and I feel done with the giving. Little by little “someone else” took control, but we both can see that same frail baby that took “her” first breath back in August of 1980 is still here. Serendipitously, I was born at 4:20 which makes my whole life seem laughable in a “thank you, God!” sort of way. As such, feel free to give God (me) a call at (760)420-5855 to schedule an appointment here in Encinitas, CA where angels still live.

I also understand what ‘we’ know to be true of ‘me’. I am human and I refer to myself as ‘we’ because I do. Simple as that = I can be a ‘they’. And today it’s more relevant to ‘me’ to be a ‘we’.

ae89f-change_aveThat same road that brought you to another state also brought us here to California and will sure as hell take us back “home” to Idaho, a place that still feels like Nineveh when we let those Gethsemane demons get to us. Either way, we’re all tired of paying dues to those toll roads back home. That “God” that we know today ain’t “ours” to throw away anymore and it does seem to be about speaking up from wherever ‘we are’ or ‘I am’.

‘I am’ just a vessel and God did give me something special. A talent, a true story, and it glows too bright when we let this ‘little light o’ mine’ shine. I can get WAY TOO BRIGHT too and it’s brilliantly weird.

IMG_2852 2Still, get your little black dress on because you’ll be back and I’m not going back to depression and anxiety. That’s just the way it is going to be when it HURTS to see us staging. That’s just the way it will be when my “brothers” and “sisters” stand right and left of me, singing too.

It doesn’t have to be a sad song either. This is the staging we all do. The musical staging of life. It’s project management at it’s finest.

LIVE, in action and ‘i am’?

STAGEing too,

Stephan:ie

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Bird and Fiesta Del Sol w Besty Marco 2018
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Beach day with besty beachlifeboss: Marco

oX:Ytocin

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Oxytocin,

Researchers have discovered that oxytocin — a hormone associated with expression, touch, hugging, maternal nurturing, social attachments, childbirth and sex — is also indispensable for healthy muscle maintenance and repair.

After a serious injection of human-produced oxytocin, personally I have a feeling of repatriation since this Fourth of July weekend. Magic happened after all those fireworks and with it came this feeling of renewed openness to loving this writing (and even filling out a bit more legal paperwork).

IMG_4296Personally and professionally there are these legal applications, business models, staging and plans. I am building from “the ground floor” and there is no where to go, but up. This floor is also often part of a bed:room.

I filtered through all the beautiful things here and that I could do with this life, then found a need for more love in “mine“. This Birdanity publication is “that” story and honestly, the agreements I made here created this miracle of a brain (and that of partners brains even).

Developing these partnerships and Bird mind has also become a Birdanity business plan and document with a PO Box and a physical address even. It’s even those “old” parts that I never want to see again. Drafts and “remainders” (as artists call them) sit in the background of my time, close to the trash bin. There are thousands of old stories that you don’t see here anymore, thousands of pieces of art that I named:

621B1C12-7546-4303-B731-FBBFCBA3792CMatthew – the EX “SALES GUY”
Mark – the EX “PASTOR”
Luke – the EX “ACCOUNTANT”
John – the EX: “BAPTISER”

These “men” were the “biggest assholes” of the last several months our Bible time and that’s not even their “real” names. All those men and their gender-specific training have become the very essence of this life’s work. Every day since 2013, I described and published what I did and even what I am willing to do to find a neutral book around here.

It’s also about what I did as a professor to a lot of executive professionals in the past. A certified adult educator since 2013, there is a great story to tell about how I am a really phenomenal teacher sometimes. Even when that doesn’t seem like the best legal case to bet on. I’ll sit at the table again with you and only blink like this cursor does when I write…

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dangler(S)

Write, as a teacher today I focus this life’s work on one simple word and a chemical equation called oxytocin.

 

OXYTOCIN = +/- = induced by,

  • touch,
  • hugging,
  • singing,
  • laughter,
  • meditation,
  • writing,
  • community and last but perhaps part of all of the least of these
  • ART!…

Oxytocin

Oxytocin is a hormone secreted by the posterior lobe of the pituitary gland, a pea-sized structure at the brain’s base. It’s sometimes known as the “cuddle hormone” or the “love hormone,” because it is released when people snuggle up or bond socially. Even playing with your dog can cause an oxytocin surge, according to a 2009 study published in the journal Hormones and Behavior.

Oxytocin can also intensify memories of bonding gone bad, such as in cases where men have poor relationships with their mothers. It can also make people less accepting of people they see as outsiders. In other words, whether oxytocin makes you feel cuddly or suspicious of others depends on the environment and your feelings in that space.

IMG_5314Oxytocin in feminine

Oxytocin is a particularly important hormone for women. “Oxytocin is a peptide produced in the brain that was first recognized for its role in the birth process, and also in nursing,” said Larry Young, a behavioral neuroscientist at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.

The hormone causes uterine contractions during labor and helps shrink the uterus after delivery. When an infant suckles at his or her mother’s breast, the stimulation causes a release of oxytocin, which, in turn, orders the body to “let down” milk for the baby to drink.

Oxytocin also promotes mother-child bonding. Studies show that “female rats find pups to be aversive if [the females are] virgins,” Young told Live Science. “But once they give birth, the brain is transformed, so they find the pups irresistible,” he said. And similar findings are seen in humans.

A 2007 study published in the journal Psychological Science found that the higher a mom’s oxytocin levels in the first trimester of pregnancy, the more likely she was to engage in bonding behaviors such as singing to or bathing her baby.

Although maternal bonding may not always be hardwired — after all, human females can adopt babies and take care of them — oxytocin released during pregnancy “does seem to have a role in motivation and feelings of connectedness to a baby,” Young said. Studies also show that interacting with a baby causes the infant’s own oxytocin levels to increase, he added.

img_5948Oxytocin in masculine

In men, as in women, oxytocin facilitates bonding. Dads who got a boost of oxytocin via a nasal spray played more closely with their 5-month-old babies than dads who didn’t get the hormone zap, a 2012 study found. There is also another hormone called vasopressin that plays a role in men.

Another study found that men in relationships given a burst of oxytocin spray stood farther away from an attractive woman than men who weren’t given any oxytocin. Single men didn’t see any effect from the hormone, suggesting oxytocin may work as a fidelity booster for guys who are already bonded with another woman.

This anti-social effect of a social hormone brings some nuance to the story of oxytocin. In one study, researchers found that Dutch students given a snort of the hormone became more positive about fictional Dutch characters, but were more negative about characters with Arab or German names. Researchers also reported in January 2011 in the journal PNAS that oxytocin’s social bonding effects are targeted at whomever a person perceives as part of their in-group or their “family”.

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https://lemanshots.wordpress.com

In another study, published in PNAS in 2010, men were given a dose of oxytocin and asked to write about their mothers. Those with secure relationships described their moms as more caring after the hormone dose. Those with troubled relationships actually saw their mothers as less caring. The hormone may help with the formation of social memories, according to the study researchers, so a whiff strengthens previous associations, whether good or bad.

“My view of what oxytocin is doing in the brain is making social information more salient,” Young said. “It connects brain areas involved in processing social information — whether it’s sights, faces, sounds or smells — and helps link those areas to the brain’s reward system.”

Additional resources

American Psychological Association: The Two Faces of Oxytocin
University of California Berkeley: ‘Trust Hormone’ Oxytocin Helps Old Muscle Work Like New, Study Finds

The healthy muscle tissue on the left is from a young mouse. The ability of muscle to repair itself decreases with age, as evidenced by the middle image of old muscle tissue, which shows a lower density of muscle fibers, increased scar tissue and inflammation. The addition of oxytocin to the blood of old mice rapidly rejuvenates the old muscle, as shown on the right. (Photos by Wendy Cousin and Christian Elabd, UC Berkeley)