dYing_Yung

dYing_Yung

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i know

deep down

inside and out,

i am dying.

………..

slowly,

and when i wake up,

sometimes i wonder

is there something wrong?

is there something unwell?

these Organs ache

inside.

………..

Thinking…

Feeling…

this beautiful mind

this wild heart

they hurt

a lil’ too.

………..

this is love?

………..

loving what is,

loving this ache

loving this life &

death.

………..

DEATH?

this_is_i.t.

this_is_love

this_is_LIFE

and_mY_?

DEATH

(too).

*sigh*

………..

<breathe>

………..

no rush,

LOVE

just know

it’s

All_most

tiME

2_die?_

feeling?

yIn?

YoUNG

………..

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SoulS_18′

SoulS_18′

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OMGod, YeS!

This is mY life, now? cal-If-ornIa?

friends, beautiful friends that i want to hold dear for life. then, i wake up at midnight on the couch and Stephan is there. i don’t remember messaging him, and in fact i don’t remember messaging anyone named Stephan or even Spencer.

still, there he is just for me and he even found my grandmother’s blanket from my room, then tucked me in with his handsome face. One that waited for me to wake up and chirp happy tunes in his ear. at midnight. on a SUNday.

Frank-lY, friend? i’m still not sure what to make of “the dangler.” He is quite a mystery to me with his scorpio ways. fairly opposite of my usual style, we are perfectly compatible, as friends..

tomorrow, friend? tomorrow is To0.Day here in cal-If-ornA.I. and if i can get through all that paper/WORK too-Day… i’ll be a golden retriever.

argh! But? i hate paper,

WORK

anyWho…

i’m_still?_

waiting_4_You_?

2_show_UP_

(again&again)

~<3_Steph Bird

<br?>

p.S.

whY do i write?

cause_i_lUv_y0U,

& i love.2.laugh

@”me”

&”You,”

IMG_2852 2.JPG

One_Me_2/4:someOne_else

One_Me_2/4:someOne_else

C2EBEF0C-DCC3-4625-8EDA-3F44A812ACB9

Can i tell you a secret?

i was ready

to give

“me”

to someOne else.

<br?>

many moons ago

years and tears

i use to write to:

a boy named TroY,

years of fears,

i wrote to no One.

True,

and real,

and i’m pretty sure

that i am the only One

not having fun.

Even though

i got my teeth white,

my jeans tight,

my hair write

it’s still wrong.

and i want to know

when i can give up

and start taking it slow?

because i’ve had enough.

decades of teeth white,

jeans tight

being “RIGHT

i still don’t know what to expect,

i feel a disconnect

and in all my Years

i’ve never felt so Young.

and, i’m not going to break my back,

working until my bones crack,

when i’m not having fun

Fun?

why?

Stop asking me

why

i refuse so many

boYs + their toYs.

whY?

i refuse so many…

who trY to OWN

“me” = tiME.

time after time?

tiME! : tiME?

i don’t know?

and, i’ll still smile

when you shake

mY hand

and tell me You

are not happy

with me!

Fear?

the battle with

this heart

isn’t easily won.

even if

the best boxers

avoid a ring….

sitting back

watching the fear

watching the fight

watching the world

the Strong go crazY

as the world

goes by

+ i

go

all by

mY.Self,

while packing up

all these things, in this head 

& through this heart.

GIFTing

“me” away?

=

i’m ready

to give

“me”

to someOne else.

FC41FB48-604D-4EBB-8FA6-49AC0A8E11B8

@birdanity

Deck#1:Card_One_

Deck#1:Card_One_

Here i gOooo…

Creating things? I.t.s healing to me. It’s white and blackbird of me. It’s artistic, autistic, and BEautifully uniquely “me”. This is Card#One of Birdanity Deck#One titled “Take My Hand 🤚 & RUN 🏃‍♀️ 🏃 ♪( ´θ`)”

Secret? I made it when I was trying to figure out my heart conditioning. It’s when I was healing from the last heart break. It’s ARTfully weird?

Deck#1:Card_One_

“Take my hand 🤚 and run 🏃 🏃‍♀️”

<Ka!Ka!🦅 >

#birdanity #birdanityart #birdanitygame #birdanitywords #notforsaleortrade #copywrongtowrite #write #create #art #artoninstagram #birdanitytarot4kids_deckOne_cardOne #cardgames #games #gamestop #love #kidsgames #spiritforkids #spirit4kids #stillblessedyogi @stillblessedyogi #warrior #warriorsgame #lovingkids #lovinglife #lovinhwhatido #lovingwhoiam #lovingwhoimbecoming #lovingwhoyouare #insideandout #naturelovers #comfortableinmyownskin #skin #bruised #hurtinginside #kaka! #birdspirit #birdanityspirit

B_BRAVE!

B_BRAVE!

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Always and never?

Friends tell me to “B” brave and I wander and wonder with whom who they are speaking? Is it this “B”? It must Be me, no One else is around when they are saying it and it was written to my cell number. I got the message in my cell, “B”.

Feeling a bit like a Jail Bird, these days I didn’t really want to be a writer. Still, this Bird in me is an author by trade (trading words?). None the less, this Bird? SHe wants to sing so she writes these messages in a bottle to the person sHe is waiting to consume.

Consume? Write, wrong word choices perhaps. Anyway, this is my millionth publication and to be fair, I wasn’t able to write to You for a while.

Family? I’ve been busy with a FULL TIME job with a family, more than a few in fact.

With that, I haven’t had much time to be a very good writer, feel social or network. I’m sorry about that, but I understand there were 7 other billion voices from which to choose who were all willing and able to BE social here. I’m just one bird, really.

B_Brave, Bird?353A4D5E-EBBC-4DF3-AB8F-030D9CC2BF49

This Bird has seen my share of struggle. Even times when I thought that I knew best, when I sailed through storms instead of stopping to rest. It always seems the hardest when I’ve made up my stubborn mind, well.. I am changing my ways this time.

Writing here, I want to be like water coming down a mountain into shadowy canyons, bound for the sea. Heading up hill no more, I am bound for the sea with these bird wings. I was born to wander with these words. This poetry in a paragraph, it’s weird.

But, have you ever seen an Eagle head straight into the wind? He doesn’t pick a fight, he spreads his wings and just gives in. And, in the end of that flight he always makes it Home just fine. I guess he knows every storm subsides.

Today, I’ll let nature take it’s course. No more thinking that I know where this river is meant to go, or railing against the stars for the cards that I was dealt or the lottery I never won. Gone today is the heart ache that I never felt and am trying to forget.

Gone? It always seemed that when I let go of expectation and regret, life has plenty of surprises for me yet.

~Stephanie Bird

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p.S.urprise!

I am

(was)

*ROAR*

a writer,

(and an artist

and a _____

and an educator

and a biz consulant

and a _______ “Jesus”

and a *sigh*

seriously? enough…

I’m going to GO COLOR

A RAINBOW.

Testing:

Testing:

Is this thing ON?

VANITY! VANITY: 

all is vanity?

When they said “brave”

I don’t think

THIS

is what they meant?

Homeless_HomeFull:Hopefueled

Homeless_HomeFull:Hopefueled

IMG_2337

aLoud?

My Mother

would get upset

if I said this aloud,

but I called mY mother

today 18′

and never told her aLoud

I am having an episode

BIpolar(bear)

and

duck-footed

i never told her

i was in a TV episode(s),

staRRoraring “me”,

written by “me” and

Created by “yours, Truly”

My mother?

I never said anything

about “me”

instead we

talked about

paper

flowers

ideas

art

“work”

Our

mental health?

is a beautiful thing!

and this..

is a seriously

Animated episodE

of “my” life

as “steph Bird”

And

as these

Calaughornia

colorS are vibrant

i ride these waves

with You,

in Spirit

(me + you = 8)

p.S. When my mother reads this,

she probably won’t get it

and that’s OK.

I got (me).

(that One time…)

p.s.S. The quick story tucked inside this poem is that like many of Us, i called my mom today. We talked flowers and art, then I wished her a happy Mother’s day. I also wished I could tell her the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (so help Us, God). Instead, I shared the parts that make Us happy because that’s how I want my Mother to feel love(d) + “happy”.

“What’s next?” is the question of her day and dear God, I have no idea what I’m going to do tomorrow, much less next ____. Maybe stare out into the sea for a while and watch the tides come and go as they will until i discover a solution. That’s about the only thing I feel is fairly certain, there will be tides of time (to stare)

.

Periods of Work?!? My mom asked me if I wanted to get a “traveling job” and I’m not quite sure what that is yet, but she’s usually pretty spot on. I even wrote down her prediction, and hell, why not travel more and do some “good” deeds around the world? It would be sweet to just get lost for a while (WITH SKY + 1), provided I have a little black box.

I want to be homefull, homeless, and I want to be a world famous flyer with a little black box in my hand. In the end, that’s all there will ever be with all these tiny little black boxes.

Except, for those beautiful

minds = tides of time.

Homeless, here I

Come!?!?!?

Homeless_!

HomeFull?

Hope=home

Fueled

i don’t think

i don’t think

E95DE22B-8EBE-4807-96A7-D2F045BF9142

i don’t think…

the women of my past did me justice. when i consider how creative this mind has become, i don’t remember when my Mother, grandMother or her Mother warned me at how explosive it would also be in my Mind. this creative consciousness consumes me and there is nothing else that i can think about, but You.

i think of You all day long. i dream of You and i wait for You to come back to me. You are reading this now, aren’t You? i am waiting…

tick tock, says the clock…

i am still waiting for

You to come

(back).

~Steph Bird