One_Me_2/4:someOne_else

One_Me_2/4:someOne_else

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Can i tell you a secret?

i was ready

to give

“me”

to someOne else.

<br?>

many moons ago

years and tears

i use to write to:

a boy named TroY,

years of fears,

i wrote to no One.

True,

and real,

and i’m pretty sure

that i am the only One

not having fun.

Even though

i got my teeth white,

my jeans tight,

my hair write

it’s still wrong.

and i want to know

when i can give up

and start taking it slow?

because i’ve had enough.

decades of teeth white,

jeans tight

being “RIGHT

i still don’t know what to expect,

i feel a disconnect

and in all my Years

i’ve never felt so Young.

and, i’m not going to break my back,

working until my bones crack,

when i’m not having fun

Fun?

why?

Stop asking me

why

i refuse so many

boYs + their toYs.

whY?

i refuse so many…

who trY to OWN

“me” = tiME.

time after time?

tiME! : tiME?

i don’t know?

and, i’ll still smile

when you shake

mY hand

and tell me You

are not happy

with me!

Fear?

the battle with

this heart

isn’t easily won.

even if

the best boxers

avoid a ring….

sitting back

watching the fear

watching the fight

watching the world

the Strong go crazY

as the world

goes by

+ i

go

all by

mY.Self,

while packing up

all these things, in this head 

& through this heart.

GIFTing

“me” away?

=

i’m ready

to give

“me”

to someOne else.

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@birdanity

Prayer = WORK!

Prayer = WORK!

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Prayer = WORK?

Prayer work? I have been praying for work every single day since I started breathing. I have been meditating and praying for all my family and friends. I  pray for their health, then I pray for peace on their Earth. Still, this life hasn’t felt as peaceful as heaven could.

Heaven sent yesterday, I could see that my friend Frank was hurting. I wanted to feel compassion for him, but I couldn’t even look him in the eye. Doing so reminded me too much of when his words cut to my core like a knife to my own heart.

The story? A few weeks ago, Frank knew exactly what to say to take my breath away. He told me I was a terrible influence, a horrible facilitator and a rotten leader. He said I don’t have what it takes to survive and thrive, then he spat on my grave when he asked me to leave “his place”.

A break up of friends. A death of a legacy story. That’s how it felt back then anyway.

But, all that wasn’t true?…

Not a lick of it seemed true yesterday when Frank walked up to take his P.C. (which ironically, wasn’t PC). All that wasn’t true when I could feel his apprehension and fear at my very presence. We sat down on a park bench, then he told me a personal story about the trauma he felt when his neighbor shot his other neighbor over shrubs.

Confirming again to him that I only have two weakly loaded muscles for guns did nothing, it was clear that neighborly trauma never left him. He’s still scared of angry people, and his body was literally shaking for fear of death.

Understandably so, we have hurt one another deeply with our words. We cut each other’s stories up and fed the ashes to the sky. We even publicly humiliated one another, which is demeaning and perhaps a leading cause of immortality.

This immortal heavenly body inside me? I want to believe in losing a fear of a spiritual death. I have to pray that “I” will go on after “I” go off. If it’s not, I am sick to death of believing in the Justice that doesn’t exist and each man’s unique version of right and wrong. Sick of waiting for that WRITE day to come when Justice will be served.

Facing fear, yesterday needed to be the write day to lay down any arms Frank felt that I carried. It needed to be my honest day when I told Frank that I’m sorry too, and I need a friend too. Frank and I are still friends, I hope.

Today though? I need to drink water, eat food, exercise, mail my grandpa a package for his birthday, then write and color again about these fears and traumas.

“Love = Fear” is what keeps me writing these posts about fear. Fear is my BFF for life, it whispers secrets in my ear and holds my hand at night. It’s everything beautiful and perfect and lovely and angelic about this world I have chosen to embrace.

Fear = Love.

Am I always so Dead to the world? I’ve never felt so 100% alive. Alive is the way I have felt for a while now, perhaps since death has come and gone so many times in my own life. The door is open to all those laughable fears (and life is nothing to be super stressed about).

Speaking of stress, want to go for a walk with me to go play? at the park? I feel like I need a swing today..

~Steph Bird

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Deck#1:Card_One_

Deck#1:Card_One_

Here i gOooo…

Creating things? I.t.s healing to me. It’s white and blackbird of me. It’s artistic, autistic, and BEautifully uniquely “me”. This is Card#One of Birdanity Deck#One titled “Take My Hand 🤚 & RUN 🏃‍♀️ 🏃 ♪( ´θ`)”

Secret? I made it when I was trying to figure out my heart conditioning. It’s when I was healing from the last heart break. It’s ARTfully weird?

Deck#1:Card_One_

“Take my hand 🤚 and run 🏃 🏃‍♀️”

<Ka!Ka!🦅 >

#birdanity #birdanityart #birdanitygame #birdanitywords #notforsaleortrade #copywrongtowrite #write #create #art #artoninstagram #birdanitytarot4kids_deckOne_cardOne #cardgames #games #gamestop #love #kidsgames #spiritforkids #spirit4kids #stillblessedyogi @stillblessedyogi #warrior #warriorsgame #lovingkids #lovinglife #lovinhwhatido #lovingwhoiam #lovingwhoimbecoming #lovingwhoyouare #insideandout #naturelovers #comfortableinmyownskin #skin #bruised #hurtinginside #kaka! #birdspirit #birdanityspirit

B_BRAVE!

B_BRAVE!

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Always and never?

Friends tell me to “B” brave and I wander and wonder with whom who they are speaking? Is it this “B”? It must Be me, no One else is around when they are saying it and it was written to my cell number. I got the message in my cell, “B”.

Feeling a bit like a Jail Bird, these days I didn’t really want to be a writer. Still, this Bird in me is an author by trade (trading words?). None the less, this Bird? SHe wants to sing so she writes these messages in a bottle to the person sHe is waiting to consume.

Consume? Write, wrong word choices perhaps. Anyway, this is my millionth publication and to be fair, I wasn’t able to write to You for a while.

Family? I’ve been busy with a FULL TIME job with a family, more than a few in fact.

With that, I haven’t had much time to be a very good writer, feel social or network. I’m sorry about that, but I understand there were 7 other billion voices from which to choose who were all willing and able to BE social here. I’m just one bird, really.

B_Brave, Bird?353A4D5E-EBBC-4DF3-AB8F-030D9CC2BF49

This Bird has seen my share of struggle. Even times when I thought that I knew best, when I sailed through storms instead of stopping to rest. It always seems the hardest when I’ve made up my stubborn mind, well.. I am changing my ways this time.

Writing here, I want to be like water coming down a mountain into shadowy canyons, bound for the sea. Heading up hill no more, I am bound for the sea with these bird wings. I was born to wander with these words. This poetry in a paragraph, it’s weird.

But, have you ever seen an Eagle head straight into the wind? He doesn’t pick a fight, he spreads his wings and just gives in. And, in the end of that flight he always makes it Home just fine. I guess he knows every storm subsides.

Today, I’ll let nature take it’s course. No more thinking that I know where this river is meant to go, or railing against the stars for the cards that I was dealt or the lottery I never won. Gone today is the heart ache that I never felt and am trying to forget.

Gone? It always seemed that when I let go of expectation and regret, life has plenty of surprises for me yet.

~Stephanie Bird

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p.S.urprise!

I am

(was)

*ROAR*

a writer,

(and an artist

and a _____

and an educator

and a biz consulant

and a _______ “Jesus”

and a *sigh*

seriously? enough…

I’m going to GO COLOR

A RAINBOW.

Testing:

Testing:

Is this thing ON?

VANITY! VANITY: 

all is vanity?

When they said “brave”

I don’t think

THIS

is what they meant?

Birdanity_Rule_#1

Birdanity_Rule_#1

 

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Ordination…

Did anyone take their Universal Life Church ordination as seriously as I have when I became a minister sum years ago? Maybe that was the whole point of the ULC and their core tenants that ministers “must” uphold:

  1. Do only that which is right.
  2. Every individual is free to practice their religion however they like as long as their actions do not impinge upon the rights or freedoms of others and are in accordance with the law.

In either case, the ULC has made my life a sacred place today because I’m able to navigate to this online community where and when I’m not sure what else to do. Sitting with Lady Gaga to my right and Stephen Colbert to my left, these noble artists and I light candles together as fellow ministers of the cloth. Then after the ceremony, I scribble out some rules about candles.

Birdanity Rule #1

All humans are naturally endowed with the right write to control their own life (time).

 

Birdanity Rule #2

When you get _____, get up and go for a walk if you can.

 

Birdanity Rule #3

Seriously folks, go get some vitamin D if you can.

 

Birdanity Rule #4

Alright, alright, “you’ll go walk the dog now?”.

 

Birdanity Rule #5

Give thanks (a lot) today, and write some p.s.

~Stephanie Bird  (aka, p.s!)

 

 

Free.. as a Bird?

Free.. as a Bird?

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Is this “my happy place”?

Everyone needs a happy place. I do, and lately I’m not sure where I live anymore. Is this my happy place?

Having lived in Cardiff-by-the-Sea for a couple of years now in this California adventure, this life I lead may seem close to a Disneyland experience, but it doesn’t feel that way today. Instead, I’m waking up at 4am and wondering whether I should even get out of bed anymore. I’m staring up at the dark silhouette of a popcorn ceiling, realizing who I am as this human that people call “Steph”, then closing my eyes and wishing for my own Disneyland.

But, no fuzzy sweatshirt or old memory from Disneyland is going to fix the way this life feels today. Nothing is going to fix “me”, I’ve never been to Disneyland and I was never totally broken. But I have been feeling these energy shifts in the Universe and it almost feels like an Earth quake in my life is coming. I can feel “her” power and these cracks are showing the stories rippling through me.

Time being ever present, today’s focus in my personal life will be to apply for at least One “new” job today. That’s the goal, applying for One “different” job with my handy-dandy resume and cover letter. One job at a time, one resume at a time, one day at a time and until my days are over, that’s going to be my personal life.

Splitting this altar ego, today’s focus in my professional life will be to apply myself at my One job today. A job here at ? where. That’s the goal, applying myself at my One job.

…today I will move (away). Today I will find? Disney’s land…

 

~Steph Bird

p.s…

(“You’re not allowed to officially or even unofficially move to Disneyland or even be “Birdanity” yet. You don’t make any money at Birdanity! So how’s that life going to work for YOU? How is this work to YOU?!?”

I’m not sure yet, but this feels like charity (work). This thing called Birdanity that I created several moons ago, this word I invented, this journal that you are reading, and this equal pay = equal work thing that I believe in…this work?

As a human Bird, I’m not a popular invention yet. Probably because I’m free as a Bird and quite frankly, one that keeps getting sick. Almost healthy, my life is… sick!

but it’s still 5am…

time to stare up…

at the ceiling again…

dreaming of a day…

someday….

when ‘I am’ with ‘You’

(again)

You?_Art LOvE

You?_Art LOvE

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This is where my Dad tells me to go…

if ever there is a problem I cannot solve, a solution I cannot find, this is the book my Dad said I should consult. Anywhere in this “good book” is good because it is the Holy Bible and according to my Dad the farmer’s son (and the man who is also love to the world), this book is LOVE. This is his book, he loves it and that’s my Jesus bookmark from the Mystical Life of Jesus that I am living out today from the book of Daniel while reading the book of Daniel.

Here i am in that book, and today it’s about Daniel. Today it’s even about Daniel’s confession and prayer to God. It’s Daniel’s vision even, one about a ram and a goat.

Rams and goats? Sounds like a game, and I’m not sure about all that yet, but I have, “Discover(ed) how extraordinary you really are,” (or so they tell us). I did discover how extraordinary I really am and that kind of power is worth?

Nothing, actually because we all have it in us. This thing called love. We all have at least a little bit of life and love left in us to give. To forgive. To love?

I do.

Do you?

Do you love me?

Do you love me now?

I do…

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~Stephanie_Bird