Our Bodies Need a Voice Too

Content note: This post discusses sexual assault.

I was sexually assaulted last week. It happened. In this limited-edition post, there is the story of trauma.. and also one of hope and healing.

While I’m not an advocate of organized religion, there are many verses from my youth that stuck. One Bible verse reads, “pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18)

I’ve been thinking a lot about that verse the last few days. While it may be true that falling is inevitable, I definitely felt pride about how I would defend myself.

Then.. What happened to me last week.. I admit, I still feel like an epic failure at discernment.

With guidance, I’ve expressed what happened in detail with my professional counselor, our local DVSAC and a few trusted friends. I’d rather not share much of the trauma or drama here.

What I will say is this: It happened. Though I thought I was stronger than that story and even a bit prideful about the ability to defend myself, instead.. I froze. I even cried.

Then.. I cried some more. I showered. I saged the house. My body shook for hours and even days after.

I tried to forget it even happened. I wanted to skip over that part of my history as if that were possible. Truth is, it isn’t.

Trauma is stored in the body. That story exists there, no matter if I tell myself to stop thinking about it. Our bodies need a voice too. Writing feels like a safer valve than holding it all in.

Family, sadly, immediately blamed me and referred me to the Bible as the answer. I know they mean well, but boy did their words sting. All I replied was, “I know. I know.”

Friends though, they held me close. One friend walked me through a gentle yoga flow. Another offered a 1:1 session with her. We meet on Sunday, which also happens to be International Yoga Day. She also offers Trauma-Informed Yoga, which is an incredible space of release.

Birdanity.com is usually a lighter place, and I want to keep it that way. So I’ll say this: it happened.

I’m hurting, and I’m also held. By good friends, by a counselor who listens, by a yoga mat on International Yoga Day, and by writing this down. I’m not going to skip this chapter. I’m going to walk through it, one breath at a time. Thank you for reading, and for letting my body have a voice here too.

If you need help

If you, or someone you know, has been sexually assaulted, you don’t have to sort it out alone:

_• National Sexual Assault Hotline – RAINN: 800-656-4673, free and confidential 24/7. You can also chat at rainn.org or text HOPE to 64673

_• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, US/Canada, 24/7

_• Idaho Falls – Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Center (DVSAC): 208-235-2412, 24/7 crisis line. They offer crisis intervention, emergency shelter, counseling, and sexual violence support groups. Also 866-342-2483 / 208-529-4352

_• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

If it just happened: you get to decide what to do next. You can call a hotline even if you’re not sure you want to report, you can ask for a medical advocate, and you can talk to someone before you talk to anyone else. Freezing is a normal response. It is not your fault.